Minutes From Nowhere

New Home For Minutes From Nowhere

2009-12-11T10:36:00.003-05:00

Hi Faithful Readers!

It's been several weeks since my last post, partly because I've been getting my blog moved over to its new virtual home: Minutes From Nowhere (and partly because we're in the process of physically moving into our new home). Minutes from Nowhere is now living on a WordPress hosted site, which offers lots more options and flexibility.

Soon I'll be implementing a re-direct from this home on Blogger over to the new site (or not, so just click the link above for the latest content) but wanted to let you all know now. You can head right on over to the new home and subscribe to receive updates just like you did this one (look for the Subscribe button on the right under the header picture).

I did just update a new post on Tinny, which many of you know affectionately as: The Bad Dog. Tinny does so many things worth sharing on a regular basis that I decided to start writing it all down. If only so we can look back and laugh.... one day.

Hope you all are well and I hope you will join me in my new virtual home: http://www.minutesfromnowhere.com/.

Gender Differences in House Hunting

2009-10-25T12:47:00.005-04:00

Ryan and I have been house hunting for most of this year, and looking quite seriously for the last few months. This has been a learning process, to say the least. To begin, it's the first time that either of us have bought a house with someone else. We've had to learn to understand not just what criteria are most important for ourselves, but also for each other. We've had to factor in our needs as a unit, and plan for future needs as well.

This dynamic alone has made it very difficult for us to find a home that we both love. A few weeks ago after another exasperating weekend of driving and looking I finally said "We're never going to find a home that at least one of us won't rule out for some reason." That set us in motion to formalize our search. We came home and made a list of items that were "must haves" for both of us, as well as lists of "would like to have" and "would be fun to have." We thought this would simplify things, but for the first couple of weeks, it didn't seem to be helping at all.

Then I realized why. Ryan and I could enter the same house, walk throughout the whole thing, not say a word to each other, and walk out with radically different impressions of what we'd experienced. It was as if we'd seen different houses.

It began to dawn on me that men walk into a house and see a structure - 4 walls, a roof, a foundation, layout - construction and materials. Women walk into a home and feel its soul. We walked through a home one day after completing our list and I had to admit Ryan was right - it satisfied all the needs we had put on the list. And so Ryan grew frustrated as I explained that I could never live there because the house felt very sad.

What women experience in a home can't be quantified with words on paper. It's ethereal. Ryan jokingly added "must feel right" to our list after that house, accepting that some things I can't explain and, while he may never understand them, he can respect them.

We signed a contract on a new home this week - and I'm certain our real estate agent is ecstatic to finally be done showing us houses and answering our incessant questions!

Like most things in marriage, this was yet another learning process for us. We learned more about each other, we learned more about ourselves and we learned more about "us" and who "we" really are.

Here's to the individual differences that enhance and make our lives richer, together.

When Companies Get It Right

2009-10-06T19:47:00.007-04:00

Anyone who has ever spent time around me knows that I love my Sigg water bottles. I have a variety of sizes and bottle tops, and can rarely be found without one of them full of water. I prefer not to use plastic containers and won't purchase disposable water bottles and create a landfill nightmare. Since glass bottles aren't very portable, Sigg is the best thing I've found to keep hydrated on the go!

Several months ago, the credit card software provider for Sigg, Network Solutions, LLC, experienced a data compromise, resulting in unauthorized access to credit card information belonging to credit card holders of its clients. The first I learned of this was through a letter in the mail from TransUnion. The letter: 1. explained what happened and 2. provided me with one full year of credit monitoring from TransUnion, paid for by Network Solutions.

After doing a little research and verifying the contents of my letter, I signed up for the credit monitoring and now receive regular email updates on the status of my credit history, which so far have been happily boring. The timing was fortuitous, since 2 months later a friend had her home broken into and her laptop stolen, which contained my SSN.

So, already I'm pleased. Here's a potentially very bad situation for a company, which moved quickly and proactively to provide a solution for its clients and allay any concerns about the security breach.

Then today, I find a box in the mail from Sigg. Since I hadn't ordered anything lately I was curious. Inside the box was a brand new Sigg water bottle with a letter, again with apologies for the security breach, and offering the water bottle as a gesture for my inconvenience.

Whoa! Now I'm very happy. I've gone from someone who may have been frustrated about my credit card being compromised, to someone who feels totally protected and is guaranteed to now be an even more loyal customer. Companies that can take a bad situation and turn it into "delighting the customer" deserve great commendation. In this case, the company I did business with directly, as well as the company they entrusted with my credit both did a great job.

In these days where we are quick to hear and talk about the companies who get it wrong, the ones who sue their customers, the ones who give bad service - you know who they are, service like Sigg and Network Solutions just provided should be shouted from the mountaintops.

Hey folks - this is how you do customer service right! If you haven't discovered them yet, please check out Sigg water bottles and try one - you will never use a plastic water bottle again!

State Decides Mom Can't Babysit

2009-09-30T10:47:00.004-04:00

Is it just me, or does this story scare the hell out of you too? Would someone join with me in telling the government to mind the business of running the country and get out of our personal lives?? We're way past walking a fine line here.

"IRVING TOWNSHIP, Mich. – Each day before the school bus comes to pick up the neighborhood's children, Lisa Snyder did a favor for three of her fellow moms, welcoming their children into her home for about an hour before they left for school.

Regulators who oversee child care, however, don't see it as charity. Days after the start of the new school year, Snyder received a letter from the Michigan Department of Human Services warning her that if she continued, she'd be violating a law aimed at the operators of unlicensed day care centers."

"Snyder's predicament has led to a debate in Michigan about whether a law that says no one may care for unrelated children in their home for more than four weeks each calendar year unless they are licensed day-care providers needs to be changed. It also has irked parents who say they depend on such friendly offers to help them balance work and family."

Read the whole story here.

Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay

2009-09-16T00:09:00.003-04:00

I worked from Daphne, AL last week, on the Eastern Shore of my hometown, Mobile, AL. One of the great things about working from a home office is the ability to call anywhere with an internet connection "home," especially thanks to Skype. Last weekend my mother turned 60. She's no typical 60 year old though, and for her birthday wanted to go deep sea fishing out in the Gulf of Mexico.

So I called her favorite charter - Ca ptain Mike Theirry, who operates out of Dauphin Island, AL. The Thierry's have been around a while. Mom's mother used to go out fishing with the Thierry's on their boat Lady Ann.

We were tired to start the day because the day before was the inaugural football game for the University of South Alabama Jaguars, complete with a huge tailgate at Ladd Peebles Stadium. My mother, older brother and I all received our undergraduate degrees from USA. I'm proud to announce the Jags won that game.

So the next morning we got up very early for a 50 mile drive over to Dauphin Island, where Mom's best friends had already gathered and decorated the boat to surprise her. Mom didn't know I had called her friends (two of them had driven down from Tuscaloosa) and that they would be with us that day. She was very surprised and very happy.

Unfortunately the weather didn't quite cooperate with us. We caught some fish, mostly Trigger Fish and Ruby Lips, but when we got boxed in by storms we decided to call it a day early. The water spout you see in the photo is one I took from the boat that day, so you can see why we decided not to tough it out!

Monday was Labor Day, so all the friends and family in town came over for a fish fry, because that's how everyone in the south eats stuff - deep fried. My little brother, William, has a giant fryer (in which he makes wonderful fried turkeys for holidays), so he took care of the fish (except for the ones dad grilled, since I don't eat fried fish).

All I can say is by Monday night we were all thoroughly exhausted, but very happy. I was able to visit with my niece and nephew, now 6 and 8, during the week, which is always fun and interesting. This was a particularly tough week for them though, as they were in a car accident (everyone was fine) and then two days later the niece suffered a broken arm. The arm was broken because her brother (and I quote) "body-slammed me on the floor." And still she let him be the first person to sign her cast. Kids are so forgiving.

On Thursday night a friend hooked me up with some free tickets to the Kenny Chesney and Miranda Lambert concert in Biloxi, so mom and I drove over. The tickets, while free, were not good seats. Moments before the concert began we ran into Steve Nodine, now county commissioner in Mobile. I hadn't seen him in years so we chatted a bit and he immediately upgraded our seats to some of the best in the Colosseum. I think I love free stuff better than about anybody alive.

But better than that, there's something about coming home: running into old friends, taking care and being taken care of, years of memories, familiarities (knowing the back roads), being known and understood and remembered, that just makes it special and irreplaceable. No matter where I've been, where I've lived, or where I'll go, I know that nothing else will ever feel like that.

My Favorite Things: Mraz & Franti in "Say Hey" Live

2009-09-11T11:20:00.008-04:00

I LOVE this Michael Franti song, and I LOVE Jason Mraz, so when Mraz joined Franti on stage in Seattle for a live jam version of "Say Hey," it landed a ticket straight to my blog. Enjoy the video and hey, let's love each other today... everyday!

Going Out With His Boots On

2009-09-02T15:37:00.004-04:00

What a cutie - this kid is rocking out and playing the fly swatter guitar to Randy Houser's Boots On.

It's That Time Again...

2009-08-31T18:14:00.005-04:00

It's been almost a year since my post on Self Talk - Making Quality Statements, but I've recently been made aware that it's time for a fresh reminder. Today it's the swine flu, yesterday the bird flu, tomorrow who knows - maybe we'll have an actual people flu to fuss about. My husband gives me a hard time for joking that "the flu is a myth, but mass hysteria is real."

Whether there's an actual flu virus or not doesn't really matter a whole lot to me. What matters to me any day of the week is keeping myself and my loved ones healthy and happy. In that vein, let's get back to harnessing the power of the mind to influence our bodies to achieve that goal.

A dear friend of mine who is normally very positive and dwells in possibility, was flinging jabs last week about co-workers coming into the office sick. She was (justifiably) angry about people trying to get her and others around her sick. She was also expressing fear about how bad this "flu season" will be; and how could you avoid such fear if you ever turn on the news?? Because I realize just how frustrating this situation is, I empathized with her. Because I also realize how toxic this thought process is, I encouraged her to re-consider her self-talk.

First, no one comes into the office sick to try to make others sick. They come in because they need the money, they are low on sick/vacation days or they simply succumb to this crazy society we've created of applauding people who work incessantly without resting when needed. Remember - everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have.

Second, no one else can make you sick. And as long as you are focused on NOT getting sick, you are inviting sickness into your life, because you are placing your focus on sickness, not health. One caveat - I make the assumption here that you eat healthy, exercise with some regularity and otherwise provide the nutrients your body needs to sustain it throughout the year. That said, you have MUCH more control over your body than you may ever realize.

Third, let us recall the adage "you reap what you sow," because this includes your thoughts. What I encouraged my friend to do is to take control of the situation. Every day you will encounter people who are unwilling to make the same choices as you to maintain their health and well-being. Since you can't change that, let's stay focused on what we can change!

Here's what I told my friend: Accept that you are protected. Express gratitude for your healthy body and your commitment to giving it what it needs to promote an active immune system which will fight off the "viruses" that people around you experience.

More often than not, people are simply victims of their own minds - negative thoughts and poor dietary practices cause acid build up in the body. The body does what it can to expel the acid and, without help from its controller (you) will send it out any orifice it can find. This is what most "illnesses" are. Stop making yourself sick and start keeping yourself well. It's a minor shift in focus that will make a major impact on your life.

Take a few minutes each morning to be truly grateful for all that you have in your life. I highly recommend this scripting exercise I wrote about last year. Maintain a positive focus and thank your body throughout the day for protecting you. By simply asserting it, your mind will initiate your body's defenses to wake up your immune system, which will be ready to kick-butt at a moment's notice!

Be healed, my child!!

What I Meant to Say...

2009-08-25T10:05:00.000-04:00

This morning I drove over to UT, my first time inside the new Glocker, or Haslam Business Building. My MBA mentor from the Innovation & Entrepreneurship track had asked me to be part of a panel of entrepreneurs speaking to the incoming class of MBA students. I was honored to take part, and quickly realized I am not practiced at telling "my story" to a public audience.

It's not that I don't know my story; obviously no one knows it better. It's just that it's easier for me to tell my story when I'm not around a group of other entrepreneurs. Now, in my defense, I was forced to follow Will Overstreet, who had just given a bang up account of his journey as an entrepreneur.

I got lost in the moment, having just heard Will's story, and facing about 85 young MBA students. I suddenly thought I needed a more business-like story, and in trying to tell it that way, must have sounded off the mark somehow. So, because it will make me feel better, here's what I meant to say:

The journey to business ownership and equity positions was, for me, not about becoming a great business success. In fact, where I am is more a byproduct of my own personal journey. That journey was more focused on self-awareness and improvement, on finding balance, peace and living with passion. I realized some years ago that without rich meaning in my day-to-day life, all the business and financial success in the world wouldn't fulfill me.

To that end, I could probably be digging ditches today and be happy, because it's where my journey would have led me. What I mean is, I learned how to listen to and connect with my heart and, combined with the teachings in my head I felt my way to this place, so whatever it looked like when I got here would have been right.

I do know however, that it's hard to be sitting in a competitive MBA class, being told all the things you should be doing to market yourself, and being measured by the pay you manage to negotiate, first for your internship, and second upon exiting the program. This is where it's crucial to find your own voice and not be swayed by what others think you should do.

When we were a few weeks from graduation people would ask where I was going to work. When they learned I'd turned down a great offer with the only company I'd bothered to interview with, they stared at me in disbelief. But by then I was far enough down the road in my journey that I knew to listen to my gut when it told me to sit still.

Four weeks later I met my (now) husband. Six months later I was working as an employee-owner with a company for which I am thrilled to be handling sales & marketing. Six months after that I launched another venture with a highly talented team of folks.

What I can tell you for sure is that if any one of the things I'm working on went belly up, I would still be a very happy person. In fact if, heaven forbid, they all crashed and burned I'd still wake up every day and be happy about what I was doing that day. That's how I know I'm doing the right thing - I'm not attached to the outcome. Sure, I have high hopes for these ventures, but I know if one of these doesn't pan out, I'll create another, and another, and another. I have a steady supply of ideas - and I have ample passions.

If you can do what you love and know that no matter what happens you'll be in great shape, then you're doing the right things! My journey is not about selling a company for millions (though I plan for that to be a stepping stone, of course!). It's not about taking a company public, or being on the cover of Forbes. It IS about quality of a balanced life. See, my journey began with me, which makes sense because it is also where my journey will end.

Familiarity Breeds... Comfort?

2009-08-21T10:25:00.006-04:00

The yard hasn't been mowed since August 6th, and it has apparently not stopped raining since then, at least since we returned on the 17th. We seem to be caught in a weather pattern suffering from schizophrenia - thunderstorm and rain for 30 minutes, sunshine out of nowhere for 30 minutes, rinse, repeat. So far this week I've heard at least 3 neighbors mowing their lawns IN the rain. I suppose that's better than making the dogs trudge through grass so high it's about to drop new seeds on the lawn.

Yesterday afternoon I heard thunder nearby and looked out the window to see the sun shining brightly as the raindrops steadily fell. Remembering the old adage "sun behind, rain in front" I walked outside to find the biggest double rainbow I've seen since living in Colorado.

I'll never forget the one from Colorado - it was 16 years ago and it happened the day my closest friend's father unexpectedly passed away. I still have pictures of that one, and I've never seen anything like it since.

It's interesting though - we had great weather early in the Alaska trip, but then it turned gray for the last part. There wasn't much rain, certainly not rain like we get in the south, but it was just gray. I guess they've had a very sunny summer but do get lots of days like that. I find I prefer sudden downpours with bouts of bright sunshine, to constant overcast but no rain.

Perhaps it's just my comfort zone. Ryan was clearly right at home with the weather in Alaska, but I found I missed being able to count on the sun rising and setting in a familiar pattern overhead. The way the sun sort of circled around us left me disoriented to time of day, for the most part. This was fine of course, because I was on vacation and who cares what time it was!

I guess that's why so many people stay put over time, regardless of weather conditions. You'll put up with long, dreary winters or earthquakes or hurricanes or tornadoes because it's familiar. They say familiarity breeds contempt, but I think it breeds comfort. Nothing feels quite like coming home after a long trip away, even to your most favorite vacation spot on earth, even if it's vacillating between thunderstorms and a 95 degree sauna outside.

Alaska - The Last Frontier: Our Final Days

2009-08-18T14:15:00.012-04:00

The final two days in Alaska were spent at Gayle's cabin on Horseshoe Lake. I had some initial concerns at the prospect of using an outdoor, unheated shower, when highs were only expected to reach 60 or so, and no sunshine was forecast. Turns out that concern was misplaced - we just didn't shower! Unlike being in the south however, we also did not sweat, so never got terribly icky. Still, Sunday afternoon's return to indoor plumbing and hot showers at Gayle's house in Anchorage was not unwelcome.

Saturday morning we awoke to breathtaking views of the sun peeking through the clouds and covering the mountains in the distance and across the lake. The large windows across the front of the cabin allowed us to literally wake up to this view. I just opened my eyes and there it all was.

The lake was as smooth as glass in the morning, so Ryan and I headed out in the kayaks for a tour of the lake. We were escorted on our paddle by loons, diving for breakfast, and cheered along by the sandhill cranes. As we inched through the lily pads, one of the small fish jumping around us almost landed on the front of my boat.

As we arrived back at the dock, we were greeted by Bill, who was busy fiddling on the boat or the float plane, or both – I’m not sure because he was moving so fast. The drive to Horseshoe Lake from Anchorage takes about 1:45, but Bill can just walk out the front of Lake Hood Inn, hop in his plane, and be at the front door of the cabin in about 15 minutes.

Gayle was already busy fussing over preparations for yet another festive gathering that evening. Though we all stopped for breakfast of poached eggs, bagels and oatmeal, before hopping in the boat to motor over to visit with Karen and Roger Pfeifer.

The Pfeifer’s also have a cabin on Horseshoe Lake, around the horseshoe from Gayle. Karen’s son Sloane Unwin was just married two weeks prior and they held the reception at the cabin. The Pfeifer’s cabin was creeping along in early stages of renovation/addition around March, when they learned of the plans to use the cabin for wedding reception. Because they had a 5 week trip to Africa already scheduled for May/June, they were quickly under the gun to finish MUCH earlier than planned.

By their account, it wouldn’t have been finished without Gayle and Bill pitching in to ensure electrical, insulation and sheetrock were all completed. Gayle and Bill even continued working after the Pfeifer’s had gone on vacation. Such is the way it is here. Family, friends, neighbors – people here just do.

In the week before we arrived, a very good friend of this group, Nancy, was hit by a car while biking to work. Throughout our stay we’ve heard regular updates on her pelvic, hip and back surgeries, from folks who go to the hospital daily to sit with her, and offer some time for her husband, Doug, to get out of the hospital a bit.

People here do not stop to question if they have time or can work something into their schedules, or even if they can afford it. When someone here needs help, others simply stop and help. I don’t know if it’s the remoteness of it all, drawing the community in closer, or if it is the general overriding sense of being one with nature, here in this state where you can hardly think of a thing to do that can’t be done within a couple hours drive, but it’s a beautiful sense of humanity that makes you feel like you’re home.

The Pfeifer’s also have a dog named Tarmac, a dog well trained to retrieve ducks during hunting season. As you can see, he’ll also dive in head first for a simple Frisbee! Tarmac and his brother Tundra joined us that evening for our dinner cookout, when the Pfeifer’s, as well as Sloan and his new bride Rebecca, came over.

Also joining us for the day was Cherie Anderson, Gayle’s sister. Cherie, like Gayle, is an interesting and intriguing lady. Cherie is well educated in essential oils, and was kind enough to bring a special concoction with my name on it. Thanks to the White Verbena, it has all my favorite anti’s: antibacterial, antiseptic, anti-anxiety, and much more!

In time for dinner we also had one more guest, Leo von Scheben. Leo was appointed by Palin as the Commissioner of Department of Transportation. Prior to that he was principle in USKH (Unwin, Scheben, Korynta, Huettl), where Gayle worked for 25 years. Leo has done surveying, industrial engineering, civil engineering, and has an MBA. Leo lives on Horseshoe Lake and has had a very interesting life. I wish I’d had more time to chat with him.

One more very interesting life is that of Roger Pfeifer, by whom I was very intrigued. Roger is married to Karen (Unwin) Pfeifer, whose husband Gordon Unwin was also a principle in USKH, but was lost in a helicopter accident 19 years ago. Roger tells it like it is, something I greatly appreciate, even if the story is less than flattering.

One story that IS flattering however, is Roger’s 1982 climb to the top of the 20,320 ft Mt. McKinley. I couldn’t get enough information from him about this, and he probably grew tired of my incessant questions (how many people, what did you eat, how long did it take you, did everyone make it, how bad was the weather, etc.). It took his team 38 days (34 up, 4 down), and they lost two team members on the way (they both lived, just didn’t make the peak). In spite of consuming 6,500 – 7,000 calories per day, Roger lost 35 pounds in those 38 days.

Roger is some kind of interesting. He made his way to Alaska from Ohio, via the Army, which sent him to Vietnam to fly helicopters. He fell in love with Alaska, like so many have, and never left. You can see the sparkle in Roger’s eye as he starts describing the vast array of activities available at his doorstep. He’s a hop, skip and a jump away from retirement after a couple decades with FedEx, and would love to offer vacation planning for folks traveling to Alaska who aren’t sure how to pack everything Alaska has to offer into their 14 day once-in-a-lifetime visit. He clearly wants everyone to experience the joy he has in this state.

We sat around the campfire until late into the night, drinking Alaskan ales and philosophizing about life and pondering the deeper meaning of it all, thanks to Bill who kept posing thought-provoking questions. I’m pretty sure we sketched out the path to world peace that night… if only we hadn’t accidentally dropped the map in the fire. Shoot, I guess we’ll have to do it again.

Sunday morning we repeated our breakfast from Saturday. Ryan went kayaking and fishing for trout. He said the fishing was great, the catching - not so much. Gayle and I sat on the end of the dock watching Bill and Ryan do touch-and-go’s in Bill’s plane on the lake. Finally it was time to pack up and head back to Anchorage, where we all headed straight to a hot shower, and Ryan and I began packing up for our return to the lower 48.

We left with far more than we brought, including a 42 pound box of Halibut. I left with more than can be measured by a scale – a new understanding and appreciation for The Last Frontier, a lot of sore but happy muscles, almost 1,000 pictures, and the love and joy of more new family members than I could have imagined.

My deepest thanks to all the Roth’s, Anderson’s, Pfeifer’s, and all the other family and friends I made in Alaska over the past 10 days. Thanks for the stories, the history, the experiences, for making sure Ryan and I had a wonderful time, but mostly for allowing me to become part of your wonderful family.

Alaska: Day 8 - Denali and Horseshoe Lake

2009-08-15T01:19:00.004-04:00

Day 8 we woke up, packed up and headed north, my first time north of Anchorage. We drove to Talkeetna, Alaska, a quaint little town, which offers flightseers trips around Denali (Mt. McKinley). Some offer glacier landings, where you can fly up, get out and walk around the mountains.

For those who don't know it Denali, meaning The Great One, is the native name for the mountain, and the official Alaskan name for it. In the lower 48 it is widely known as Mt. McKinley, the tallest mountain in North America, at just over 20K feet.

We went first to the Talkeetna Lodge, which I hear offers the best views of Denali, hands down. I can't say for sure because when we were there, just like around 60 - 70% of the time, you couldn't even see the base for clouds and fog. Denali is so tall, and it shoots up so dramatically, that it generates its own weather patterns.

So far this year 1,161 climbers have attempted to reach the summit. Of that number 682 have actually made it. While the forest service didn't list the next number - Gayle said there have been a couple of fatalities as well.

The main climbing season begins in mid-May and goes through the end of July, with the best climbing recommended in June. Even then climbers encounter temps as cold as 40 below on the mountain. The world map on the wall of the forest service building had pins designating the areas from which climbers have come this season, including North and South America, Africa, Europe and Asia, with a larger number being from Europe.

The average climb takes between 17 and 21 days, so climbers need to take 4 weeks worth of provisions, not to mention all the gear needed for the varying terrain and sub-zero temps. With so much gear required, climbers often end up making "double carries," where they carry part of their gear from one level to the next, then return and carry the rest. It sounds to me like they are climbing the mountain twice!

Because of the 20K+ foot altitude, climbers can generally climb no more than 1,000 ft per day, to allow their bodies to adjust to the decreasing oxygen levels. It really is an awesome thing just to imagine making a climb of that magnitude. It makes my marathon finish very humbling.

After a quick stop at the Denali Brewing Company, to ensure they were running an upstanding, quality business, we headed south again, turning off just north of Wasilla and heading over to Horseshoe Lake, to meet up with Gayle and Bill at the cabin.

While coming up through Wasilla we did drive by the Palin house, but for all my efforts, I could not see Russia. Bummer. Ok, maybe that's not exactly what she said. So we arrived at the cabin in time for some of Gayle's vegetable soup which, like everything she touches, was wonderful. The cabin is on a neat piece of lakefront property, that used to be a gravel pit. The gravel was used as the foundation for the nearby VOR navigational aid for aircraft.

Speaking of aircraft, it is as common a mode of personal transportation here in Alaska as motorcycles are in the south. As you can see below, here in Alaska they just park their planes right in their driveways!

Gayle has managed to grow a full lawn of grass and lots of flowers and plants on the land, in spite of the early soil limitations (note: I understand lots of horse manure was involved in that effort). The cabin, which she and Bill built themselves, is a 16 x 16 square building, with tons of windows and light, and has an airy feng shui feel about it.

She very graciously offered the cabin to me and Ryan, while they took "Lucy," Bill's 1957 Silver Avion, which looks very much like an Airstream. So we were able to retire to bed for the night, looking out across the lake at the last bit of light illuminating the mountains across the water, watching the wind softly blow the leaves in the surrounding birch trees and listening to the loons call to each other.

Alaska: Day 7

2009-08-13T16:01:00.006-04:00

(Side note: I'm getting lots of private messages from folks who have interesting and related Alaska stories of their own, or just funny comments. Please feel free to share your story or comment here on the blog, because I know others would enjoy the information I'm getting from you guys!)

Day 7 began with another trip to the Laughing Lotus Yoga studio in Anchorage. What I did not realize is we were going for "hot yoga" (not that I would have known what that meant). In spite of my years of activities and fitness, I've never quite gotten into yoga. For those who don't know, hot yoga is done in a room kept around 105 degrees. Finally, I thought, I have an advantage over these locals. This southern girl is just getting warmed up at that temperature!

The instructor made his way to my corner before class began to inquire if I'd ever done hot yoga before. When I told him I'd only done yoga one time in my life, I think he tried to conceal his concern for me. So, thinking it would reassure him I added "but I've done Wii Yoga!" He ALMOST managed to refrain from rolling his eyes at me.

I hadn't eaten before-hand, so it was when I heard him later, across the room, telling someone to "always eat before hot yoga" and "if you think you might throw up, leave the room first" that I began to worry.

Hot yoga is also called Bikram yoga and it works the entire body. Fortunately, I am a stickler for stretching after exercise and I get regular massage. And (laugh if you will) I really do think the Wii Yoga has helped improve my balance. I managed to hold my own and complete all of the poses, even if they weren't pretty or graceful (and trust me, they weren't)!

After 90 minutes of yoga in the sauna, it was actually refreshing to walk outside again, even though the temps are cooler today and it's pretty well clouded over. When Gayle and I got home Ryan met us at the door and (having been relaxing all morning) asked: "Are you ready to go hike Flattop?" Hmmm. Since I felt like a big ball of mush I wanted to answer "bite me" but that isn't the yoga way, now is it? So... instead I smiled (and, since I knew it wasn't really a question) said: "Sure, just need to grab a shower... whilst you prepare my lunch (of course)!"

So, off we went to hike Flattop Mountain Trail. The elevation at Flattop is 3,550 feet, or just under that of Alyeska. Fortunately, to hit the trail you drive up part of the mountain, so that your total climbing elevation is 1,252 feet. Thank goodness too, because these Roth's are wearing me OUT. The climb proved to be quite challenging. Early on the effort required feels minimal (unless you've already been Halibut fishing, mountain climbing and twisted up like a pretzel in the prior 3 days).

I was dragging to start, but got my much needed second wind in time to start the vertical ascent to the top. When I say vertical, I mean thank goodness I had a little rock climbing training a couple weeks ago, because I was using both hands and legs.

Oh and another thing - all along the trails of these mountains we've been hiking have been these little purplish berries. Ryan calls them blueberries but I've got to say - that ain't how we grow 'em in the south. They can't be any bigger than a green pea, and most are smaller. Though now that I see these here in Alaska I understand why, the day I made blueberry pancakes for Ryan in Knoxville, he was shocked at the size of the berries going into the mix. In fact, he told me those berries were "too big for pancakes!"

We reached the top of Flattop and literally, as we crested the side of the mountain we were met with winds easily reaching 35 mph or more, and a 20 - 30 degree drop in temperature. It was well worth it though, as we were rewarded by magnificent views of the Cook Inlet and Turnagain Arm, as well as Chugach Mountain Range around us, and Anchorage below us.

Here is a shot of Flattop from the parking lot. We climbed our way to the very top of that mountain. And yes, it's as steep as it appears.

Returning to Gayle's, she and Bill had a full meal of Alaskan King Crab legs, steamed broccoli, cabbage and green salads going. Another fantastic meal in Alaska!

Now we are all busy preparing for our weekend trip to the cabin at Horseshoe Lake. I don't know any more than that, except Ryan and I might be heading to Denali first. But, just like me, you'll have to stay tuned to find out what happens next!

Alaska: Day 6

2009-08-13T03:16:00.007-04:00

Much to my relief day 6 brought some rest and recovery. After an easy morning Gayle and I headed into town to visit another farmer's market for some fresh veggies. Then we drove over to the federally funded Alaska native hospital, where they have a magnificent gift shop, full of handmade native Indian crafts. We visited a few other similar shops, where it was fun to see the hand-crafted furs, leathers, knives, spirit masks and related items made by various local tribes.

This afternoon Gayle treated me and Ryan to massages at the Laughing Lotus Yoga studio in Anchorage, where Alanna helped work out our sore muscles from fishing and hiking. I understand we're going back there in the morning for some actual yoga, which should be a great follow up to the massage today.

From massage, we headed into downtown Anchorage to meet Gayle and Bill for a Segway tour. Our guide was actually from Baltimore, a school teacher and has been living in Alaska for 6 years or so. On our first stop his local history facts were being corrected. By the second or third stop Gayle was outright in charge of our education of local facts and information.

It was fun to hear about her experience during the 9.2 magnitude Good Friday earthquake of 1964, which lasted 5 minutes. No building in Anchorage is older than 1915, which is the year after they completed the Alaska railroad.

Bill chimed in with some interesting facts as well, talking about how the salty and fresh waters mix in the inlets, forming large ice chunks in the winter. This is due to the fact that fresh water freezes faster than saltwater, so large chunks of frozen fresh water float around in the salty water. So when the ships come in to dock, they must do so at an angle, bow first, creating a V-shape to the dock while waiting for the ice chunks to get pulled out with the changing water levels (hope I got that sorta right, Bill).

We stopped on the bridge over Ship Creek, near the Alaska rail station (where the train from Fairbanks had just arrived). We saw hundreds of salmon, and the creek was lined with local fishermen, just out to catch some dinner, right there in downtown.

After our tour we headed to dinner to Simon & Seafort's, though the server informed us there were no such people by those names. I had some wonderful king crab cakes, while the other three dined on king salmon and quinoa.

It was a wonderful, relaxing day. Our weather luck has continued to hold, though the wind picked up tonight so my hosts have predicted rain tomorrow.

Alaska: Day 5

2009-08-12T01:25:00.000-04:00

We awoke on Day 5 in Girdwood, at the base of Mt. Alyeska, a ski resort town. Alyeska is an old Aleut spelling for Alaska. Girdwood runs along the Seward Highway, and was forced to move inland after an earthquake in 1964 left the town below the high tide levels of the Cook Inlet. Gayle had friends living there at the time. They moved further inland, along with most other residents, thereby absorbing the Alyeska community into Girdwood.

Gayle, Bill, Ryan and I had stayed in a really neat cabin in Girdwood for the night. In the morning, we checked out and drove over to The Bake Shop in town for breakfast. Naturally we ran into lots of people from last Saturday's wedding, including the bride and groom. The Bake Shop has some of the best sourdough bread anywhere, and is where I had my first sourdough pancakes.

From there Ryan and I said goodbye to Gayle and Bill, and set off to explore Alyeska. Of course (being married to a pilot) we had to start by driving over to the air strip, which is literally just a long strip of gravel in town.

We pulled off the road to check out a stream and happened upon a group of roughly 10 salmon. We watched them with amazement as they struggled to swim upstream, against a strong downstream flow of water. They stayed mostly together, swimming a little, getting pushed back, resting along the side, and then pressing on. Quite a journey for fish who are simply going to lay eggs and then die, once they get there.

Next stop was the Hotel Alyeska, which is the starting point for the tram heading up the mountain. The tram carries skiers in the winter and hikers/sightseers in the summer. We opted to skip the tram and hike up the almost 4,000 foot mountain. That decision paid off nicely for us.

Since I've been here I've been promised that moose wander randomly through town, and even in and out of Gayle's yard, but I'd yet to see one. We weren't 10 minutes into our hike when we encountered a couple large Bull Moose. They approached the trail from our right, as we backed up and gave them space. Ultimately, one crossed the road, we tired of waiting and decided to walk right in between them and continue our climb. They barely batted an eye at us, as we came within 25 feet or so of them. They are so massive, with big, broad antlers. The average adult moose stands almost 7 ft high at the shoulders, and can weigh as much as 1,500 pounds.

The hike was extremely steep at times, and we saw a sign warning us there may be live avalanche detonation devices along the way which we should not touch. Well, thank goodness they told me not to touch them! Who KNOWS what might have happened without that warning. The hike took us just under 2 hours, and, thanks to another fantastic weather day we were back in tank tops and sweating it out.

As we arrived at the top, we had amazing views of the Turnagain Arm (which I told you about here), the Glacier Bowl (the oh-so-creative name for the bowl-shaped glacier at the top of Alyeska), and all the surrounding mountains. Much of the glacier is melting rapidly, creating a rushing waterfall running down the mountain.

We stopped at the Glacier Express, a restaurant just below the top, where we enjoyed well-earned pints of Alaska Amber and White beer. The tram I mentioned earlier ends at the Glacier Express. We worked so hard on the way up we decided to take the tram back down.

After two full days of challenging outdoor activities we started making our way back to Anchorage. Along the Seward Highway we stopped at Beluga Point, which is where the Boar Tides I mentioned here really gain their traction. We did a little rock climbing out onto a giant rock where we had amazing views of the Turnagain Arm.

As we were leaving we noticed a couple of Dall Sheep across the road. Ryan walked out to within about 30 feet of them and waited with the camera. After a few minutes a baby Dall Sheep came hopping out of the brush and joined its papa for an afternoon snack in the grass.

By the time we got back to Gayle's she was in full swing vacuum sealing Halibut for our us to take home, and getting ready for dinner. She and Bill prepared a wonderful meal with some of the Halibut and Rock Fish we caught yesterday. We also dined on the Halibut cheeks, which some people will tell you is the best eating. The cheek is very different, in that it is more the firm consistency of steak, but flaky and perhaps a bit sweeter than the Halibut filet. I noticed you can buy them online for about $25/pound.

In all, we've been spoiled by the fantastic weather and couldn't be happier about it! I'm hoping Day 6 brings me a chance for my body to recover though...

Alaska: Day 4

2009-08-11T04:05:00.004-04:00

Today’s Alaska update is brought to you as part of a mutual effort with all my new family, who just got off the fishing boat in Whittier. AK with me. Plus, you are getting lots of facts thanks to my new cousin Brett Roth, a science teacher who clearly LOVES Alaska. He's also pictured below in the orange/black jacket.

We are all sitting in the parking lot in Whittier, because we just missed the tunnel opening by 2 minutes, so have to wait another 45 minutes before we can leave town.

A word about the tunnel. Until about 10 years ago Whittier, a tiny military-turned-fishing village, was not accessible by car. There was a single lane train tunnel running from Portage, south to Whittier. The Anton Anderson Memorial Tunnel is the longest in North America. Thanks to Senator Ted Stevens, the tunnel was opened to automobile traffic in both directions. You can now drive into Whittier every hour, on the half hour, and out every hour, on the hour.

While Whittier itself is tiny, the vehicle accessibility to it has done a lot for this area. When we arrived at 6:30 this morning to board the boat for our fishing charter, there was a large cruise ship docked nearby. Charter boats take daily trips out into Prince William Sound, made infamous by Joseph Hazelwood who, after a few drinks managed to captain his boat, the Exxon Valdez, as it collided into Bligh Reef, spilling 11 million gallons of oil into Prince William Sound and causing economic turmoil to many a local fisherman. It is today considered "one of the most devastating human-caused environmental disasters ever to occur at sea."

We drove to Whittier from Anchorage, and along Turnagain Arm, part of Cook Inlet. Turnagain Arm is so named because when Captain Cook first sailed into it, he was looking for the Northwest Passage. He kept commanding his men to "turnagain" as he got caught in the changing tides, and the name stuck.

Speaking of changing tides, Turnagain Arm is home of the 2nd highest tidal fluctuations in the western hemisphere (the first is the Bay of Fundy in Nova Scotia). In fact, about once a month they have something called a Bore Tide – a phenomenon where the tide empties almost all the water out of the Arm and, as it returns later, it does so as one rolling wall of water that moves up with the tide. It’s a constantly breaking wave that, as it charges up the inlet, offers some recent crazy surfers and kayakers a unique opportunity to ride one, continuous wave for miles on end, as it refills the Arm. Here's a great video clip of one charging up Turnagain Arm.

According to Brett (who I think was quoting Wikipedia), 182 people live in Whittier. And they all live in the same building here in town. It’s one large condo-style building. The building is called Begich Towers – named after the father of the senator who succeeded Ted Stevens.

So we arrived this morning, with enough folks to have two charter boats. Lots of folks are in town for (also new cousin) Monica’s wedding so family on both sides came out for fishing in Prince William Sound.

We went out on the “Offshore Hunter” with Jay, our captain from Whittier Alaska Fishing Charters. We set out around 7:30 a.m., amidst thick fog, though Brett had promised me: “This sh*t’ll burn off.” I think that’s Alaska speak for “It’s going to clear up.” Turns out he was right!

Brett is no stranger to this area. He lives in Girdwood, just north of Whittier, and spends a lot of time fishing this area. He’s a high school science teacher and has taken this summer off and done a lot of fishing, camping and exploring. He’s one unique character, and a wealth of knowledge about local facts. He educated me throughout the day and is sitting behind me in the car now (because we made it back through the tunnel finally), steadily providing me a barrage of facts to share with you (don’t worry, I’m omitting the boring ones like – Prince William Sound was first explored by the British, blah blah).

I was bundled up for the boat as if to take on the Arctic Circle, because Ryan and Gayle were both afraid of this southern gal freezing on the water. I literally had 6 layers on my upper body to start the day. Fortunately, the sun came out and I ended up peeling layers down to just my tank top for several hours. The day could not have been more perfect. It was just warm and sunny enough to make it completely pleasant. As we headed back to shore and the sun went behind clouds though, we bundled right back up!

We fished today for Halibut and Salmon. We didn’t catch a single Salmon but we caught lots of Halibut (24 of them, in fact). We also caught some Rock Fish and one giant Lingcod – about a 40 pounder. Together Ryan and I walked away with roughly 50 pounds of Halibut – do you KNOW what that would cost us in Knoxville?? Since Halibut is probably my favorite fish, I cannot wait to cook up and eat one that I managed to catch myself!

And ABOUT fishing for Halibut – that is HARD WORK! First, the weights on our lines were 2 or 3 pounds. That may not sound like much but, try dropping it straight down 300 feet. Just reeling a fishless line in was work, so imagine fighting a 20 pound Halibut, that you have to wrangle the length of a football field!

We’re staying in Girdwood tonight, hoping to hike Alyeska tomorrow and all I know is there’s a hot tub in our cabin and my arms are screaming for it. It’s almost 9 p.m. in Alaska and the sun is still shining brightly as we make our way to the cabin. My body is again reminding me it’s almost 1 a.m. my time and the family has mercifully opted for pizza in the cabin in lieu of dinner out.

The day has been absolutely amazing. Boating in between glaciers and mountains, seeing Orcas, porpoises, even a humpback whale, and all the while getting to know these awesome folks who are now my family - an amazing day, indeed.

(Side note: I'm finishing this post, which is being meticulously edited by Gayle and Brett, around 10:30 p.m. We just learned that the other boat lost an engine on the return trip and so, are still out on the Sound. The last tunnel opening is at 11 p.m. so we've yet to learn if they get stuck in the Whittier parking lot overnight, or make it through in time for the final ride through the tunnel. All I can say is... thank the powers that be it wasn't our boat!)

Now - that hot tub is calling my name...

Alaska: Day 3

2009-08-10T01:52:00.001-04:00

I'm so excited to tell you all the things I've learned about Alaska today!

Embarking on our 3rd day here in Alaska, my body is still revolting against adjusting to the time difference and change in latitude. But I'm persistent so I'm thinking she'll come around here anytime.

Fortunately we had a nice, slow morning - in great contrast to what I know is coming tomorrow. I always learn new things when I'm around Gayle. This morning I discovered Manuka Honey (Comvita Active Manuka Honey, 1.1 Pound Jars (Pack of 2)), which is apparently great for ANYTHING that ails you. Manuka honey is from bees who feed on the flowers of the Manuka bush, also known as the "Tea Tree" to produce a honey that has anti-bacterial properties. Tea tree oil is commonly from the related Melaleuca tree native to Australia and is used as a topical antibiotic and antifungal for wounds that fail to close.

Gayle, Bill, Ryan and I all decided to walk over to the Alaska Zoo this morning for "1/2 price Sunday." The story about how the zoo started is worth sharing here. Rather than try to re-tell it though, let me share it through their own words.

That's right, some crazy Alaskan chose a baby elephant over $3,000 prize money. Annabelle, the first animal in the zoo, became quite the celebrity. You can still buy her "art" in town, as she became prolific with a paintbrush and easel. There are lots of other really cool animals in the Alaska Zoo, and it's worth a visit if you're up this way. Incidentally, I've been promised that Moose frequent Gayle's yard but haven't seen one yet. They do have a couple at the zoo though, so at least I got that.

We returned to Gayle's house where the maps came out and I got some geography lessons. First of all, did you know that you cannot drive TO Juneau, the capital of Alaska? You cannot drive there. You can drive once you get there, but you can only access it by air or by water. I had no idea.

Next, we are right next door to Russia but you cannot, in fact, see it from your house here. Not even in Wasilla. We're right on the edge of the Cook Inlet, and tomorrow we'll be driving south, with the Turnagain Inlet on our right and mountains on our left. I don't want to spoil tomorrow's post by getting ahead of myself though, so I won't say more now.

Things have been abuzz here in Gayle's house all afternoon, where we welcomed close to 60 family members tonight for spaghetti dinner. This woman is a machine, so of course all of the sauce was cooked on Thursday and carefully packaged and kept for today. She has made a dessert with rhubarb from her garden.

Gayle also has "singing bowls," each of which play the exact tone of the body chakras (CRYSTAL SINGING BOWLS - SET OF 7 QUALITY QUARTZ -NEW!!). They get unbelievably loud and literally vibrate your soul. I've never experienced such.

We've just concluded the extended family dinner. The Roth family is spectacular and I am exhausted. We have to be up at 4 a.m. in order to catch the 6:30 a.m. Whittier tunnel opening (more on that tomorrow), but for this reason I write no more and am turning in for the night.

Alaska: Day 2

2009-08-09T00:43:00.000-04:00

We crashed pretty hard last night, although my body woke up promptly at 7 a.m. Too bad that was eastern time so it was just 3 a.m. here! It was overcast in the morning, but that did not deter us from heading to the local farmer's market Gayle (mom-in-law) recommended. One of the Twitter folks jokingly asked if that's where they sold ice to eskimos. So I thought it worth snapping a few pictures to show that they not only grow it here, but they grow it big! I've never seen zucchini this big anywhere in my life.

Then we did some shopping at the local REI, so I could stock up on my smart wool and long underwear, preparing for our upcoming activities planned for the week. From there, back to Gayle's to get ready for Monica Roth's wedding. Monica is one of MANY cousins I just married into, and attending this event was a little overwhelming, to say the least.

My own family is fairly small, so marrying into and meeting members of my husband's family, with somewhere around 9 direct aunts/uncles, not to mention spouses, first and second cousins, etc. it is a daunting task to try to meet and keep them all straight. Fantastic folks though, and it's a pleasure to be here with them.

Apparently I managed to select a dress for the wedding that was a favorite of the bride, because I pretty much matched the bridesmaids perfectly. No kidding, I couldn't have matched them better if I'd tried.

I keep hearing that the moose wander up and walk around in yards and through town, etc. I haven't seen one yet, but I'm keeping my camera poised and ready for the moment this should happen. I can say with certainty that this place is far more green and comfortable than anyone in the southeast (who hasn't been here) could imagine. Of course it is August, but still, flowers are blooming, veggies are growing, and yesterday I even sat on the deck with my shirt off and got a little suntan!

Speaking of sun, it's an interesting thing here. The sun doesn't "set" as much as it circles us. It moves in an arc-like fashion around us, completely confusing me. I see the sun in the afternoon and assume it's going down, like the sun does in the lower 48. Thirty minutes later the sun has changed positions, only now it's due right of where I just saw it in the sky. I can't count on the direction of the shadows, because they change in odd patterns, keeping my jet-lagged body disoriented to time of day.

Thus concludes day 2 in Alaska. Though the sun is still shining brightly, my body reminds me it's almost 1 a.m. eastern. More to come...

Alaska: Day 1

2009-08-07T22:23:00.001-04:00

I never seem to sleep well when I know I have to be up early. This morning’s flight was not too early, but still required that I be up before 6 a.m. But of course, I was awake from about 4:00 a.m. I guess I’m always afraid I won’t wake up, even though I now have another person next to me, with his own alarm. It’s even more unlikely we’d both oversleep, but still I awaken early.

This is the same fear I always had before a big road race, especially a marathon. I’d sleep a few hours, usually dreaming that I was late for the race and got lost on the course somewhere. Maybe it’s just that I don’t use an alarm most days, so I’m not sure I can trust it.

As always though, we were up with plenty of time. Since we’re headed for my first trip to Alaska, Ryan’s home state, it is certain I over-packed. Not sure how cold it might really feel to me (in spite of everyone’s assurances that highs will be in the 60’s), and given that I rather enjoy the thermostat set at 79, I’ve thrown all my warmest clothing in a giant duffel bag. Granted, growing up on the coast means my warmest item is a rain jacket (this is what concerns me).

Just to get myself ready, I spent the flight time listening to Jimmy Buffett, Bob Marley and some of Kenny Chesney’s island tunes, thinking nice, warm thoughts!

Since the airlines now charge per bag we combined all our bulky items into one checked bag. Upon arrival at the airport we were proud to find the bag weighed in at exactly 49.0 lbs., just one pound below the weight at which they start assessing additional fees. We really love getting our money’s worth!

Our first flight was through Minneapolis, about a 2 hour trip from Knoxville. After about an hour layover, we boarded for the 6 hour leg to Alaska. The only time I’ve ever spent 6 hours on a plane I ended up in another country where they spoke another language. It’s hard to imagine concluding 8 hours worth of flight time and STILL being in the United States. But here we are! As Michelle Shocked would say – you know you’re in the largest state in the union when you’re anchored down in Anchorage.

Due to a 4 hour time zone change we arrived before 3:00 p.m. (I’m writing this at 10:30 p.m. eastern time, but the sun is high in the sky here, only serving to confuse my weary body. It will be another 4 hours before sunset, and midnight before it really gets dark.) Leaving the airport we drove around Lake Hood, which is the largest and busiest sea plane base IN_THE_WORLD. We made a stop at the Lake Hood Inn, our friend Bill's place. It's an awesome spot, right on the water, where you can watch the steady flow of sea plane traffic.

Since there is a Roth family wedding tomorrow, there's a large BBQ this evening, with lots of extended family. It's very exciting to be here in Anchorage and I'm looking forward to meeting the very large Roth family (now my family!), most for the first time.

Below are pictures of Bill's place, the Inn.

All Natural Gnat Infestation Solution

2009-07-21T06:32:00.000-04:00

About 2 months ago I added a new plant to my living room. I love lots of greenery indoors and believe the plants help absorb some of the output from all the electricity we generate. Plus, they make me happy. The last plant (or the soil I used to re-pot it) however, brought more than I bargained for, as it apparently contained a growing gnat infestation, which quickly spread to my other plants and led to lots of frustrating days, sitting at the desk, swatting gnats.

Aside from being very annoying, the gnats live in the plant soil and will eat the roots of houseplants, thereby killing them. So you need to eliminate not just the gnats flying around, but also the larva living in the soil, feasting on the roots of your plants. If you're like me, you'd like to do so while avoiding the use of harmful chemicals.

So when my friend Jessie, the organic gardener, told me about Beneficial Nematodes I could really not believe this would work. I ordered them immediately, and they arrived within a couple days.

The nematodes are living creatures, and you keep them in the fridge until you are ready to "activate" and use them. Jessie told me it would probably take a week or two to see results, but within 24 hours I saw a radically reduced number of gnats flying around. Within 48 hours there were only a few stray fliers and my infested plant was already starting to perk back up.

It's now been just over a week since I applied the nematodes (I went ahead and used them on all the indoor plants, since I couldn't tell how far the gnats might have spread) and I haven't seen a gnat in days. The great thing is this solution is all natural, completely safe for people and pets, and won't harm the plants!

Apparently this solution is great for many other pests (I read of one lady who used them to eliminate a flea infestation), but I only used it for gnats. In case it isn't clear, I highly recommend this as an all-natural solution to a common problem! Keep in mind there are other places in your home for a gnat infestation to hide. Check this article for other common hide-outs to be sure you've identified the source before you set about applying a solution.

Good luck!

Why Blog?

2009-07-20T04:52:00.003-04:00

I'm not terribly regular at posting updates to my blog, although that really depends on the month and what's happening in my life. I'm frequently reminded this is not "best practices" for blogging, so sometimes I feel a little guilty for not providing more regular updates via my posts.

This morning I'm reminding myself why I do this, and it turns out that it isn't to satisfy anyone else's need for regularity. Since this isn't a business blog, and I don't really have any topic to which I adhere as a theme, I just write about things that are on my mind. My blog topics trend around my life like Twitter trending topics do around pop culture and late breaking news. My life is just lots less interesting to the average person. The good news is that the average person isn't following me.

I started this blog just under a year ago to satisfy my own need to start writing again, to remind myself how to take a thought, flesh it out, consider lots of angles to it and then put it down in print in some way that is interesting, if only to me.

That's why you can find posts about my travels, my recent wedding, silly things that make me laugh, early morning thought posts (like the one you're reading now), reviews of books I read and liked, motivational and life improvement posts, rants on things in America that frustrate me, things that are sad but still offer meaning in life, and hopefully a funny and positive perspective on it all.

For me, writing (good or bad) is cathartic. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and events with friends and family and since none of my family live nearby, the blog is a great way to do that. But like anything, putting the thought or idea down on paper (or screen) is a wonderful way to force myself to think through it and find deeper meaning than I might have, had the thought remained in the back of my head somewhere. Plus, it's great when folks comment and offer insight and perspective on my thoughts that I would not have otherwise had!

So it turns out the purpose of this blog is really just for me and to satisfy my basic need to share. My life isn't on any kind of schedule, so it seems appropriate that neither is my blog. But I like to think that the reader can always find an underlying current of hope, of belief, of faith in humankind. I hope people leave my blog feeling somehow happier, thought-provoked, or inspired. That would be great. But if not, that's ok - I'm just writing it for me anyway.

Philadelphia: The City of Nutterly Love?

2009-07-12T16:24:00.007-04:00

I've just returned from Philadelphia, my first time in the city. Sure, I've driven through there a few times. In fact, being back on I-95 caused me to reminisce the last drive on those roads back in 2005. Just after 4th of July and a bike wreck that left my hip looking like a car hit it, I was driving an 18 foot Penske, with most of my belongings, being followed by my baby brother driving my car full of dogs on my move from Providence, RI back to Mobile, AL.

So yeah, I'd been in Philadelphia before, but just passing through. The view from I-95 doesn't do the city justice. I imagined a rusty, aged city, by the sites along the interstate. What I found was a clean, beautiful and friendly city, with magnificent architecture and a character all its own.

The day I arrived I checked into the Downtown Marriott and quickly changed into my running shoes for my favorite way to explore a new city - on foot. I was given running directions up Benjamin Franklin Parkway, through several parks, past the Museum of Art and onto a dedicated greenway, which runs along the river and up past Boathouse Row. Gorgeous weather matched the run.

Since I was there for a conference I was limited on time after this day. I did make time to see the Liberty Bell in person and to wander downtown, taking in the intricate detail in the building architecture. City Hall is truly amazing, the largest city hall in all of the United States. If you go, you must not miss the opportunity to walk through the Reading Terminal Market, the coolest farmer's market you ever did see!

My three day tour was capped off with a trip to the Philadelphia Theatre to see The Second City performing: Nutterly Love: Funny as Bell, obvious plays on Mayor Nutter and the aforementioned tourist attraction. It was quite hilarious, though if you are from Philly, I imagine it was a full-on gut buster. Since we had front row seats I actually got pulled into the action, and ended up leading my side of the audience in the first few lines of: America the Beautiful.

Walking back to the hotel that night, we were rounding City Hall, only to see Jack Nicholson and Paul Rudd filming scene for their next movie. Being from a small town, it was pretty fun for me to look through a window and see Jack sitting there in a suit, delivering what we were told is the longest speech for Jack in any movie thus far.

While the Philly airport could use some tips from Hartsfield (ATL) on shuttling passengers between terminals, it was a neat trip. And thanks to United for canceling my flight and then re-routing me to a direct flight home on US Air, getting me in an hour ahead of my original schedule!

I am happy to check Philadelphia off the travel list, and add it to the list of places I'd go again. And as always, it's great to be back home in Knoxville. Familiarity has a "ring" all its own.

Paradigm Shifts: Real Estate Marketing Today

2009-07-01T08:29:00.000-04:00

The last week has brought a lot of discussion about paradigm shifts. The conversations have happened around different industries but centered on the same general topic. Because of my involvement in a project to help teach folks in the real estate industry efficient use of emerging web technologies, I've contributed to a recent report on shifting paradigms in marketing.

Then I had a meeting with someone working to get a new website up and running. The site owner is bright and talented but as we talked I realized that he too was stuck in an old paradigm. He talked about banner ads and print advertising and needing lots of investment money to get this website marketed.

The more people I encounter the more I realize how many folks haven't quite grasped the usefulness of the available social media tools. With little to no money, but with some concerted effort, you can have your message, product or service in front of a wide audience.

You obviously need to understand how to use these tools, and how to use them effectively. However, I'm finding what hinders most people is not insufficient knowledge, but rather a mind-block that is holding them in an old, out-dated paradigm, which precludes them from considering new approaches.

You can get the report I mentioned for free by visiting this website. Even if you aren't in real estate, the report is worth reading. I encourage you to share this with all your friends in real estate, especially your own agent (help them help you!). There's more information on the site, which will be launching soon, if you'd like some more specific details on where to go from here.

When flying in planes just isn't enough...

2009-06-26T11:56:00.014-04:00

Can't get enough of being jammed into a fuselage for a cross-country flight? Well then, perhaps you should consider taking up residence! And why not - it's watertight, non-corrosive, durable, weatherproof... and if you need an excuse to call in sick to work - just blame it on the jet lag.

Need a gift for Dad? Win an Earth Fare gift card!

2009-06-18T14:52:00.009-04:00

I'm giving away another gift card this week, thanks to the nice folks at Earth Fare and in honor of the grand opening of the new Bearden location, and just in time for Father's Day!

The goal is for this contest to be fun and informative! Tell me why you shop at Earth Fare - what do you get there that you can't find at any other area stores? Maybe it's the milk you can buy in the returnable glass jars from the Blue Ridge Mountains, or the Dr. Hauschka all natural skin and hair products. Maybe it's Udo's oil (a unique blend of Omega 3/6/9), the commitment to serving only grain fed, free range meat, or simply the vast selection of organic fruits and veggies.

Whatever it is, tell us! Or, tell us your favorite recipe made from some of the cool ingredients from Earth Fare. Teach us all something new. Best story wins a $25 gift card. If there are enough good stories, maybe I'll go nuts and give away TWO $25 gift cards!

Get your entry in now - contest ends Sunday, June 21st - Father's Day.

On Gratefulness and Giving

2009-06-06T08:48:00.004-04:00

Last year I wrote a post that talked about my habit of "scripting." This is my method of practicing gratitude. I keep a journal, in which I make a list of the things for which I am grateful each morning, as well as the things which I believe WILL happen.

This morning I'm just experiencing gratefulness on many levels and I want to stop to acknowledge and share it. This practice has been one of the most life-changing habits I've yet undertaken, and I credit it to a suggestion from my life-coaching friend, Carolyn.

An old friend of mine recently remarked that I have the life of which most people dream. I can tell you that I was never the person who foresaw my life in the future. I'd like to say I had the vision to dream of this and in truth, if I had I'm certain this is how it would have looked.

But no one gets ahead in life without some help. The phrase "self-made man/woman" does not enter my vocabulary because no one "makes it" without a lot of help, and don't let them tell you otherwise! I can look back over my life and pick out the influential people at each critical point and I try to go back and remind them with some regularity of how much I appreciate them.

A few months ago I went for a run with a local business owner and we were talking about this, as he attributes much of his success (and he is quite successful) to the hands along the way that reached out and gave him a pull when he needed it most. We were talking about how once you become successful (however you define that) you realize that even if they'd accept it you will never be able to repay those folks that helped you along the way.

I told him that I believe the best we can do (and what those people would most want in return anyway) is to turn around behind us and reach out our hands to extend the same kindness to those who need it. I spent many years thinking - if I could just get to THIS point then I will start volunteering or get involved in helping others. There was always something that had to happen before I would feel like I had something to give.

Then one day I realized - there is nothing to wait for. Helping others doesn't mean giving a lot of money or time. It might just mean bringing in the garbage can for your neighbor, or mowing the yard for the elderly lady down the street. Maybe it means being a Big Brother or Sister to a Little who needs a positive influence (and who didn't need that growing up!). It definitely means adopting an attitude of gratitude and giving SOMETHING of yourself away every day.

CHALLENGE: Take a moment right now to consider 5 things for which you are very grateful. Don't do this intellectually. Think about them, yes, then feel how grateful you are for them. You can dial this up a notch by imagining how it might feel to lose them - a sure way to find gratitude. Next - if it's a person find a way to tell them - today. Spend the next 5 days trying to think of at least ONE thing every day you can do for someone else (and do it, of course).

Above all - be grateful every day - life is amazing! By the way - my life is amazing simply because I believe it to be. Yours is too and if you don't believe it then work on the story you are telling yourself about your life. Your life is - exactly what you tell yourself it is.

Earth Fare $50 Gift Card Give Away

2009-05-29T11:25:00.002-04:00

We originally said June 12th for the first $50 Earth Fare give away. However, the generous folks over at Earth Fare have asked me to give away another so I'm going to wrap this one up shortly (because I can do that) and will be posting the new contest soon.

SO - I'm going to make sure someone starts their weekend off right. You have until 5:00 today to send me a note telling me you want the first gift card. Random drawing takes place at 5:05!

CLICK HERE to enter the contest. And good luck!

Win a $50 Gift Card to Earth Fare

2009-05-26T11:05:00.006-04:00

In case you don't know it, my favorite grocery store in the world - Earth Fare - is getting ready to open a new location in Bearden. I can hardly wait for the big opening, which puts a location closer to my home. To put the icing on THAT cake, Earth Fare has sent me a special offer for you guys. Check it out and let the stories begin!

Economic times are tough. We all know that. And, Earth Fare, the healthy supermarket, seems to know that too. Have you been to their stores? If so, you would know that they are always trying to make healthy eating affordable, easy and delicious! Seriously - have you tried their homemade, all-natural chocolate chip cookies - if not, it is .99 cents of deliciousness! Well, in celebration of the opening of their new Knoxville store on June 17th, Earth Fare gave me a $50.00 gift card to give away! Yeah, very cool. They just said, hey Jen - give this away for us.

So, now, we want you to tell us why you deserve or just plain want this gift card. We've all got stories. You may have a family of four to feed on a tight budget. You may have lost your job recently and just need some extra help. You may be a cookie lover or organic food nut! Or, perhaps for whatever reason, you've never tried a healthy food store and just want to see what it's like! Give us your best, most clever or funny reason, and we'll consider it for the prize.

Winner will be selected by random drawing from stories submitted. So, ready, set, and get writing. Post your reason in the comments below today! You only have until Friday, June 12 to get your entry in. And, we're waiting..

Good luck!

Wedding Slideshow & Letter

2009-05-23T15:52:00.003-04:00

Several of you requested a copy of the slideshow prepared for the wedding, so here it is. Also, here's the letter we wrote to you guys in the wedding book, which I understand several of you didn't see:

"As we look back on our lives and consider the choices we made, the paths we followed, each defining moment that led us to each other and to this day, we lovingly think of each of you. Each one of you has impacted one or both of our lives in many ways, large or small, all of which helped to shape our future, which today we consider our present. We cherish our relationships and their many shapes and sizes, and remember with gratitude the special moments we've been blessed to share with you.

Please use this photo book to leave your thoughts, memories or funny stories with us, so we may cherish this day, and you, for the rest of our lives. Thank you for being here to celebrate our love today. We love and appreciate each of you and look forward to how our relationships will transform as we embark on married life together."

Wedded Bliss

2009-05-19T08:51:00.006-04:00

The wedding planning, plotting and scheming has finally drawn to a close and we have collapsed into piles of mush on Pensacola Beach to recover and just "be" for a while. The first thing this means is that more regular posting on the blog should resume shortly. The next thing this means is that it's time for a re-cap, wrap-up and a few notes of appreciation.

Leading up to Saturday the forecast called for thunderstorms all afternoon. Since the ceremony and party after were all outside I had more than a little angst about this. Friday afternoon we were hit with a gully washer (that's southern for "big storm") that broke a couple of patio umbrellas at the Dorgan's. I awoke to rumbling thunder on Saturday and was bracing myself for the worst. Suddenly, the clouds cleared, the sun emerged and the entire day was picture perfect. In the afternoon I was directed to look off to the east to see a rainbow that had appeared.

Ryan and I could not be more thrilled with how the day turned out. And we know it would not have been what it was without some special folks. Of course both Moms (Dottie and Gayle) were instrumental in pulling things together. "Malia Reyes Shelby Mitchell Becker" became my impromptu wedding coordinator and honestly, without her help we might have all been eating take out from KFC and Krispy Kreme donuts for dessert. For those of you that were there - those amazing looking cakes? - thanks to Malia. Jenn Mitternight was responsible for many decorations, as well as for providing snacks and entertainment for the little ones. Thanks to my dear friend Diann Ragazzo. I elected not to have a bridal party so I know it's out of love and no sense of duty that people like Diann stepped in and did the things that she did for me that day.

Lots of impromptu help arrived in the way of out of town guests. The Fricks (Ray, Kay, Marcus and Christopher) were a surprise arrival for Ryan, as they decided last minute to hop a flight from Minnesota to attend. What an awesome family - and they jumped right in and started working without hesitation. Thanks also to Jane Roth and Mary Jo Chandler, from Arizona and Washington, as well as Adam and Wanda from Kentucky, who were all on the "last minute decorating committee."

I was honored and happy to have my first cousin Mary McClurg, who drove down from northwest Indiana to meet most of us for the first time. I found Mary on MySpace about a year and a half ago and my brothers and I had never met or talked to her before. Mary - we are so glad you have come into our lives. Thanks for sharing this special day with us.

We consider ourselves blessed in many ways, and attribute the richest of our blessings to the wealth of people we are fortunate to call our friends and family. Thank you all for being with us, as we embark on the next chapter of our lives together. We look forward to many more good times with you all along our journey.

Women are just born talkers!

2009-04-22T11:23:00.004-04:00

This is too adorable - but thank goodness she doesn't live in my house!

Wedding

2009-04-01T08:50:00.008-04:00

Hello Friends and Family,

We are very excited and looking forward to celebrating with you on May 16th! Here is a list of information on the Mobile/Eastern Shore area, the event location, and other helpful tips. IF YOU ARE FROM THE MOBILE AREA: please help us by adding comments here with your tips on places to stay, things to do in and around Fairhope, Gulf Shores, etc.

If you are not from the area and you have questions - post questions as comments here (make sure you sign up to receive replies when you post) and we'll get them all answered. You are all welcome to contact me or Ryan directly, of course.

TRAVEL:
There are two airports of approximately equal travel time to Fairhope, AL. They are: Mobile Regional Airport (MOB) and Pensacola Regional Airport (PNS). PNS is a far easier drive and will almost always have much better airfare rates than MOB. Feel free to check both for comparison, in case Mobile surprises me. You'll need to rent a car, as taxi fare is likely to run $150, but you'll want it to be able to explore the area at will.

EVENT LOCATION:

The beautiful Dorgan Inn is located at 16801 Scenic Hwy 98 in Fairhope, AL. Check this MAP for location detail. You can Google Map for directions, and there are listed directions from both airports below. We will be staying at the Dorgan Inn in the Bay House. There is also a 3BR Guest Cottage on the grounds which is available for rent. This is truly a breathtaking place. It has never been available for rent before. The first wedding taking place there is the first weekend of April, and is that of my friend and photographer Wendy Wilson.

The Inn belongs to Mr. Billy and Mrs. Patty Dorgan, of the local Krispy Kreme family. Yes, this amazing place was all built from sugar (figuratively of course). The two main homes are over 150 years old, a lot of the wood used inside came from a 200 year old cotton gin. Mr. Billy has stories about every aspect of how the place was restored and they are all interesting. The Inn overlooks Mobile Bay and has an air of tranquility I've rarely experienced in my life. A quick Google search and Ryan turned up this bit about one of the companies that did some of the redesign at the Dorgan property.

DIRECTIONS:

If you ask Google Maps for directions from PNS to Dorgan's it will not send you via I-10. I don't recommend following this. Leaving PNS get over to I-110 N, to I-10 W, to Exit 35A for Hwy 98 Daphne/Fairhope/Spanish Fort. South on 98 ~7 miles to slight right at "Welcome to Fairhope" sign on right, onto Scenic 98/North Section. Right on Fels Avenue, then Left back onto Scenic 98/S Mobile St for 3.2 miles and Dorgan Inn is on your Right.

From MOB, head Left on Airport Blvd upon leaving the airport, to I-65 S, to I-10 E, to Exit 35A for Hwy 98 Daphne/Fairhope/Spanish Fort. South on 98 ~7 miles to slight right at "Welcome to Fairhope" sign on right onto Scenic 98/North Section. Right on Fels Avenue, then Left back onto Scenic 98/S Mobile St for 3.2 miles and Dorgan Inn is on your Right.

OTHER AREA INFORMATION:

Fairhope, AL is a neat town on the eastern shore of Mobile Bay. The small town is lined with lots of neat shopping options, great for finding some obscure antique or collectible or just window shopping on a warm summer night.

One of the most beloved places to stay in Fairhope is the Grand Hotel in Point Clear. Without doubt this is a magnificent hotel, the very definition of upscale southern charm. The Grand offers the Lakewood Golf Course, which is on the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trail and the largest salon and spa of any Marriott property in the world. One of my favorite things to do when home is to spend an evening sitting outside Bucky's Birdcage Lounge, around the fire pits, watching the sun set over the water.

The Fairhope Inn is a great option for a place to stay and dine while in Fairhope. Like many of the local B&B's it is walking distance to the heart of town, or down to the Fairhope Pier on the bay. If you'd like a more traditional hotel, you won't find one in Fairhope - yet. But you can check out the Hampton Inn Daphne, a quick 7 miles down Hwy 98. As of this posting, the brand new Hampton Inn Fairhope is scheduled to open May 2, 2009. If that holds it could be an option as well.

BEACHES:

If you aren't from the area, especially if you've never been, you should schedule some extra days to check out our sugar-white sand beaches. Just south of Fairhope are Gulf Shores and Orange Beach, located on the Gulf of Mexico. If you scoot a little further east you'll hit Pensacola Beach, which in my opinion, is one of the prettiest I've seen in my life.

Again - really excited to see everyone soon. Please let me or Ryan know if we can help with any travel plans!

Quick Wedding Update

2009-03-17T15:09:00.003-04:00

Save the Date (May 16th) cards went out last week and we hope to send the invitations first week of April. I understand that several of our out-of-town friends and family are looking into travel details for joining us. We are so thrilled and honored to hear this!

This weekend I will be in Mobile working out some details and, while there, will be putting together some local area information and updating the blog with it. This will include information about places to stay, eat, vacation destinations (Fairhope is only a 30 minute drive from the beach), anticipated weather, etc.

If you are coming from out of town and would like this information, feel free to enter your email address in the upper right corner of the blog to subscribe so that new posts are delivered to your email inbox. You can unsubscribe later, I think ;-)

Hope this finds you all well. More soon...

Local Food - thousands of miles fresher

2009-03-14T10:46:00.003-04:00

This has been on my mind a lot in recent years. Dr. Mercola outlines some of the high level concerns of mass-produced food here in his article about vegetable nutrition. It may surprise a lot of folks to know how little nutrition they are getting from their "healthy" foods, as he points out here:

"In fact, the average vegetable found in today's supermarket is anywhere from 5 percent to 40 percent lower in minerals such as magnesium, iron, calcium and zinc than those harvested just 50 years ago.

Today's vegetables are larger, but do not contain more nutrients. Jumbo-sized produce actually contains more "dry matter" than anything else, which dilutes mineral concentrations."

This is not a Mercola endorsement, but I'm reading this same information in multiple sources lately and thought it worth sharing. Some interesting, related information can be found in the recent book, Eat This, Not That

While on the topic - I'd love to know from anyone in Knoxville if they endorse/recommend any local growers? When I moved, my trusted farmer's market got too far away and I'd like to find some local sources for fresh, organic foods. Please comment here.

Pole Dancing!

2009-03-13T09:34:00.001-04:00

Starting your weekend off right - enjoy!

One Year Later: Who Knew?

2009-03-13T09:15:00.004-04:00

Tonight we are going out to celebrate - it was on year ago (almost to the day) that Ryan and I went to Ruth's Chris (my way of saying thanks for all his free labor on the house I was renovating - we'd just spent the weekend laying tile). During that dinner we got into more detailed personal information and began to see our first glimpses of how well aligned we were on the really important things that sustain (or don't) relationships.

It's cool to think about how much has developed over the last year, although I'm sure if you'd told me that night that one year later we'd be in full-scale planning mode on our wedding I'd have been skeptical. It's been, hands down, the best year of my life thus far and I'm looking forward decades more!

Have an outstanding weekend, all!!

How to experience sailing without leaving home

2009-03-03T08:31:00.003-05:00

Having just returned from a week of sailing around the BVI's I have to say the sand, sun, water and snorkeling were all awesome. Spending a week living on a sailboat allows you to see lots of the beaches and local watering holes dotting the BVI's, which are accessible by boat only. While it's a really fun time and there's nothing like harnessing the power of the wind alone to move you from place to place cleanly (if slowly), there are "challenges" to this way of life as well.

With this in mind, I'm offering a handy "guide to experiencing life on a sailboat without leaving home." Guaranteed if you follow these steps, you will feel a bit of the sailors life.

Trade in your comfy tempur-pedic mattress for a giant waterbed with full wave action in your room. Hire someone to stand beside your bed and randomly push down on their side of the bed with all their might... all night while you (attempt to) sleep.
Open all your windows and install giant fans, set to "full gale force" settings and have the person working your bed at night to intermittently turn all the fans on, sending 25 - 35 mph winds through your room (note: the wave action should increase with each gust of wind action). Also have them occasionally spray water on your face until you physically get up from bed and take the water bottle from them. After you do this, they must then turn the thermostat to 90 and turn the fans off. Continue wave action. If you get too hot, you may give them back the water sprayer and they may turn the fans back on, but they must spray again in the near future. Repeat until morning.
At least a couple of times per week, turn on loud speakers in your yard with reggae music, and have your neighbors come out and simulate harbour mooring neighbors by standing on their boats yelling along to "No Woman, No Cry" in a drunken, flat scale, sometime around 1 AM.
Another night, have someone blow up dynamite next to your bedroom wall, to simulate when you anchored too shallow and your keel is bumping the hell out of the bottom and jarring you awake each time.
Invest in a handly little trash can for your toilet and for a full week put nothing in the toilet which you did not eat first. Everything else gets piled up in your trash can... EVERYTHING.
Once you have done your business, reach down for your newly installed lever by the toilet and pump like hell for about 30 seconds, or until you've cleared the lines. Be sure to keep your eyes, nose and mouth away from the area directly above the toilet to avoid any surges in back-pressure while pumping.
For your shower, screw a water hose into your bathroom sink. Stand there and turn it on to a dribble... barely enough to get your body mostly wet and turn it off again. Lather up as best you can and then... dribble the water again to rinse off most of the soap. Turn off water and call it good. Then turn around and wipe down the walls and floor of the bathroom.
When you walk through your house, occasionally veer hard to the right or left, slamming yourself into the wall (or table, cabinet corner, etc.). You can probably perfect this move if you drink heavily first. If you don't recall where all the bruises came from... just blame it on the waves.

Yes kids, just follow these simple steps and you too, can experience life on a sailboat. Enjoy your trip (oh and keep the Bonine handy - you may need it ;-)!

Bon Voyage...

2009-02-19T11:05:00.004-05:00

Wedding planning is exhausting! Okay, it's not really, but wedding dress shopping is. So, we've decided not to do it anymore... at least for a while. Saturday we're heading to British Virgin Islands for a week of sailing.

This is the same trip I did last year (same week too, in fact), when I traveled alone to meet a group on a ladies-only, learn-to-sail trip. Communication with Ryan was in the very early stages of dating and getting to better know each other.

This year I'm ecstatic to be taking the same awesome trip with my friend Carol Morley, sailing instructor extraordinaire. And as awesome as all that is, I'm thrilled beyond words to be taking fun trips like these with my best friend and fiancee, Ryan.

While being single all these years never held me back from doing exactly what I wanted (when I wanted to do it ;-), I know that in the future my adventures will have a new depth and richness of experience that they never could have as I wandered the planet flying solo.

We were initially going to elope on this trip (and still wonder if we shouldn't do that!). But we are really looking forward to sharing the experience and celebrating with all of you (so we won't ;-). I could pre-write some posts to go out while we are gone but... well, I'm not going to so nothing further until March.

Have a great weekend all, and don't party too hard, you Mobile Mardi Gras revelers!! Joe Cain Day was always my favorite day of the season - run hard and drink one for me. Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez!!

Wedding Plan Updates

2009-02-16T12:16:00.003-05:00

Hey Gang,

I'm super excited today for two reasons:

The DJ/Master of Ceremonies I wanted just had a cancellation for May 16th and so I was able to secure him for the event (my thanks to the Nashville couple who decided to elope instead)!! Some of you know Danny Sommers (he also did Shelby/Malia's wedding).
I have ordered the MOST ADORABLE ring holder for my ring bearer (in case you haven't guessed who will be my ring bearer, THIS photo of the holder will clue you in).

Now, I'm discovering that the good folks are mostly booked already for this May (can you believe some people actually plan 2 years in advance for their wedding??!!). Yowza. However, I have everyone that really matters to me, except a photographer.

If you gulf coast locals have recommendations for photographer (must be versatile and adept at outdoor events, action and still shots - and must love what they do), or caterer/decorator, we are open to exploring options. We have some we are looking into but would love to consider those you would highly recommend. Let me know if so.

Otherwise, update is complete. Hope you all have a fantastic week!!

Jen

Wedding Date/Location, Voting Starts Soon!

2009-02-13T08:50:00.007-05:00

Hi Gang,

We have selected May 16, 2009 at the Dorgan's Inn in Fairhope, AL as our wedding/party location. For those of you who haven't been, Fairhope is a neat little town, located on the eastern shore of the Mobile Bay. Here is a great synopsis on the town.

Dorgan's sits right on the bay, just south of The Grand Hotel, technically making it Point Clear, AL. This is a beautifully restored estate, with the two main homes over 150 years old each. The restoration has been done in a uniquely upscale southern design, making it a beautiful setting for a wedding/party.

For those of you joining us from out of town, there are a large number of rooms available right on the property for rent. We are happy to reserve enough space for those who would enjoy staying there, but I need to know that in advance so please send me a message if this is of interest to you. Otherwise, there are plenty of nearby B&B's and other lodging (The Grand) available.

As for the rest of the details, I've decided to take it to a vote! If you are coming to celebrate with us, then you can have a say in how it all goes down (I haven't mentioned this to Mom yet, so don't tell her ;-).

In future posts I'll be letting you guys choose things like - which type beer or what kind of food do we serve? Just know that, while all votes count, this is a benevolent dictatorship so... I'll be making the final call, with everyone's best interest in mind, of course :-). I would say that 'Ryan and I will decide' except, well, we all know men are totally uninterested in the details! So he's in charge of other things.

Remember - let me know if you're coming in from out of town and would enjoy staying at the Dorgan's Inn. Thanks for reading - comment here if you like. More to come...

Compassion for Criminals?

2009-02-10T03:36:00.003-05:00

Just after I announce I'm using the blog for wedding plans I'm compelled to post something else. I'm awake at 3:30 this morning because at 1:30 a KPD officer knocked on our door alerting us that 3 guys had broken into vehicles belonging to us and our neighbors.

Interesting I suppose. More interesting was what I realized when I got back in bed, trying in vain to sleep. Ten years ago, the day after paying my car off, someone broke into it and tried to steal it. I was mid-twenties and was at first scared, then pissed. The mere thought that someone else feels entitled to something I worked very hard for (aside from the government, apparently) has always enraged me.

Tonight though, I was first curious (how many guys, what did they look like, what kind of car, etc.) and then as I processed further, I started to imagine their lives. Were they kids from the trailer park down the street? Maybe they were living in a cramped home where families merged because they couldn't pay their bills and had to live together to afford housing. Maybe their parents had lost their jobs and were one step away from homelessness and the kids were trying to figure out how to help.

You see, I believe we are all doing the best we can with the resources we have at the time. If kids are not provided better resources, then it becomes more challenging to create better solutions to problems at hand. I also believe that most people are driven by love, even if it is severely misguided.

The thing I began to realize is how the years have changed my focus. Rather than getting angry I realized I was feeling compassion in trying to imagine where these guys came from and what drove them to the end of our cul-de-sac to pilfer through vehicles for some loose change. And it reminds me that we are all one. I am them and they are me. We are just in very different places and, at the moment I had to choose, I chose to ask a more quality question to come up with a better solution in life. They chose to take a different route.

Next time someone upsets you, I challenge you to stop and try to create a scenario in your head that might drive you to do the same thing that is bothering you. Reacting with compassion will allow you to recognize our oneness in the universe and to feel more connected with others. This awareness will truly shape your thoughts, which in turn will positively change your life.

Wedding Plans and Blogging

2009-02-09T19:24:00.004-05:00

I've been thinking about starting a new blog to keep everyone updated on wedding plans but then two things occurred to me:

The wedding is only 3 months out and
This blog has no rhyme or reason (and almost no subscribers) so why not just use it

So that's what I'm going to do! From now on, if there's something to share about the plans, I'll post them here and you can ask questions by commenting so everyone get the same information.

I want to start by saying how much I appreciate the interest so far - it really means a lot to me how much you guys care. You can subscribe to the blog feed using the RSS button and have the updates sent directly to your email, or the notes will update to Facebook if that's easier for you to follow. OR - bookmark this site and anytime the thought strikes you just pop back in for the all the latest!

For a quick update - we are settled on date and location (weekend of May 15th) and it will be in Fairhope, AL. We're still confirming and working out details but my next post will give more information about that.

Thanks again -I have the greatest friends and family in the world ;-)

What Season Is It??

2009-02-02T15:17:00.007-05:00

Who can tell with a 12 hour contrast list this:

Yesterday, I went for a run wearing only a jog bra and shorts. Ryan started putting the railing on the new deck. It was 60 degrees, sunny and beautiful.

This morning this is what it looked like out my window:

I guess this is winter in Knoxville!!

Grow Old Along With Me...

2009-01-31T17:12:00.000-05:00

We've been contemplating how to break the news to friends and family and really, given how much I Tweet, he sometimes Tweets, we both Facebook and (sometimes) Blog, social media seemed the only real option.

So here it is - Ryan Roth asked me to marry him and I said "hell yes!" I always said when I met the right one we'd just venture off to an island, tie the knot and no one would know until they got postcards the next week with a photo and caption saying: look what we did! But that was easy to say before I got here.

Turns out we are having a blast just being engaged. And... we both really wanted to include our mom's. So, there it is. We're getting married! There will be more details - because of course we are going to have one heck of a party to celebrate the day all the stars, planets and heavens aligned to bring us together.

I'll keep you informed... please feel free to comment here and I'll post more details as we figure them out!

The Middle Place - book review

2009-01-10T11:10:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago a friend sent me a YouTube video (see below) of Kelly Corrigan reading an essay from her new book The Middle Place. The video moved me to tears, and I'm not much of a crier. So last week when I found a copy of the book in Sam's I grabbed it. I consumed the book. Kelly is a beautiful writer, and has a way of describing emotions that puts you right in the moment with her.

This book is a memoir about one woman's journey to grow up. The "middle place" is defined as that place between being someone's daughter and being someone's wife/mother. It's about finding your way and navigating life's tragedies, like her breast cancer, her father's prostate and bladder cancer. It's also about recognizing the good things, like what an amazing man her husband is and how supportive he was through her illness, and the feminine way we ladies take small things and make them really, really big deals. Or like her two daughters, or like the bond she has with her lovable father.

It's about our relationships - with family and friends, and about recognizing the beauty in a moment. It's a summary of the strength of not just the human spirit, but of the feminine - of what it means to be feminine and to embrace that fully. That is a poignant reminder, in a society where so many of us as women have pushed away from our femininity and embraced the masculine, having let society convince us we must be masculine to succeed.

Kelly is very relatable and throughout the book I felt myself thinking many times how much like her I am. And yet, I see myself as very different from her.

I think that's one of the things we learn in life - in spite of our seemingly great differences, we can really find something to relate with everyone we meet. We all have common ground, and you find that sense in The Middle Place.

Hello Goodbye

2009-01-07T12:58:00.005-05:00

Dear South Knoxville,

I just want to say goodbye - parting is such sweet sorrow. I'll miss you and your quirky, hit-or-miss neighborhoods. I'll miss your new southward development sprinkled in with the early 1900's blue collar houses. I'll miss your cheap gas at the Pilot and Kroger. I'll miss your awesome farmer's market on Chapman in Colonial Village. I'll miss being equidistant between the Kroger and the Walmart/Home Depot. Goodbye Smoky Mountain Wine & Spirits, I'll miss you and your 10% off Wednesdays most of all - leaving you is probably why I quit drinking.

You served me well South Knox, you and that teeny tiny Lakeview house. You were perfect for me when I moved to Knoxville to get my MBA. You were quiet and pleasant, full of older homes with lots of character, even if your crazy drivers kept me from biking to school. And I won't even hold against you the frequent power outages that first summer, especially the day you left me without power for 12 hours when I needed to be online practicing for the GMAT, which I was taking the next morning!

Goodbye, redneck-dog-abusing-neighbor - I won't miss you at all, but am glad I got to tell you like it is before I left. Goodbye, awesome-vet-student-neighbor who took care of my dog when I traveled - Hayley and I will both miss you! Goodbye, all you crazy lake-dwelling ducks who stand stupidly in the road, because the thoughtless neighbors entice you to cross the street by feeding you from their porch.

I must leave you because MBA school isn't the only thing from which I've graduated in the last couple years. My life continues to evolve on many levels, one of which is my romantic relationship. I have to leave you because I decided to move in with my guy, the first guy I've lived with, besides my brothers/dad, in all my 35 years. That's a pretty big deal so I hope you won't take it personally, SoKnox.

We had a good run and I think we both got a little from each other. I'm sure I'll still come visit from time to time, although now being in between Turkey Creek and West Town Mall I can't think of why. Oh I know, because you still have my teeny tiny house, and I hope you'll treat my new tenants well (as soon as I find some, that is). So I won't say goodbye, but rather, I'll see ya soon!

And with that I say - hello West Knoxville! I hope you can change my preconceived notions about your newly constructed cookie cutter houses, lacking any real character; and your noisy, heavy traffic, and poorly timed red lights. Sure, the amenities are nice to have nearby, as is the greenway, but I hope you will reveal to me some heart, some soul, something that makes me feel like you care whether I'm here or not. I don't just want a place to live - I want a community and I'm hopeful you can provide one for me!

Goodbye... hello!

What was great about '08

2009-01-02T13:02:00.000-05:00

As in all prior years, I learned a LOT in 2008. Unlike 2007, when I completed my MBA, this past year involved a lot of self-teaching and discovery. Fresh from graduate school, having turned down all the job offers presented to me, I started the year trying to figure out how the next chapter of my life should look.

During my contemplation, I bought a foreclosure house and decided to renovate it. That experience brought its own set of lessons! Finishing up renovations around April I decided to do some traveling.

I'd already splurged in February and taken my dream learn-to-sail trip around the British Virgin Islands. I met the coolest 72 year old sailing instructor ever. That lady handled the boat and 3 unskilled female sailing students with unbelievable grace, ease and efficiency. God I hope I'm that spry when I reach that decade of my life.

January brought me a present of a different variety. I turned 34 that month, and I also met Ryan, with whom I now have the greatest romantic relationship I've ever had. To effectively make this point, Ryan just became the first man I have ever lived with, as we moved in together over Christmas.

In May I traveled to Nassau, on a freebie trip thanks to my pilot boyfriend. In July I was lucky enough to be along on another of those trips, this time to Green Turtle Cay in the Bahamas. Both wonderful trips. June took me to San Francisco for a financial seminar, where I learned strategies that paid off nicely when the stock market took a dive later in the year. In that seminar I also learned about blogging (which is why you can read this now) and Twitter - one of the coolest things I learned. Twitter brought me a realtor and a PR guy (both of whom are playing much greater roles in my life than first anticipated), lots of awesome new friends in Knoxville, a fabulous group of hip ladies with whom I enjoy Tweet-her socials, and so much more.

November I spent 9 days in Hilton Head with Ryan's family from Alaska and Oregon, meeting most of them for the first time. December I went to Orlando for a week-long seminar on life change, and got plenty of that in the process.

I am now involved in about 4 different businesses, all of which I am very excited about for 2009. I am living a life of my own design, working from home, on my own schedule, largely as my own boss.

I'd say all of 2008 was one long personal and spiritual journey for me. It brought people, events and places into my life to help me learn and grow and become a better person. The year that just ended was a beautiful year in every way. I grew a year older, on this very day in fact. Reaching the mid-point of my thirties I've begun to reach that place we all strive for - a place of peace, harmony and comfort in my own skin. Every day my life is just a little better than the day before, and for that, I am truly grateful.

What was great about '08? I woke up each morning and I got to choose the meaning I gave to each new moment - I can't think of anything better than that!

Looking forward to many wonderful new adventures and moments with all of you in 2009!

Happy new year!

Tony Robbins Date With Destiny

2008-12-18T13:18:00.012-05:00

Many folks have inquired about my Date With Destiny in Orlando earlier this month. In addition to the holidays, I returned from this week-long event with Tony Robbins thoroughly worn out and sick. Over a week and a half later and I'm still working on recovering. Additionally I am in the process of moving, I just switched from PC to Mac, and oh, I am leaving Tuesday for an 8-hour drive to do Christmas with the family.

All that said I experienced far too much in those 6 days to further delay sharing it. This was my third Tony Robbins event and by far the most intense. It was held at the JW Marriott in Orlando, FL. There were ~2,500 people attending. I'd guess the average person there spent ~$3,800 for the event alone (no, I did not type too many 0's there). Lasting life change is expensive!

At every event I meet people and I generally ask them how they describe these events to their friends. No one ever has a good answer - most just tell people: we didn't eat, didn't sleep, didn't stop to pee, it was GREAT, just go do it!! The general public tends to classify Robbins as a 'motivational speaker'. That is a lot like calling Warren Buffett a stock trader. Sure, a modicum of what Robbins does can be considered motivational, but Robbins is anything other than a "rah-rah" guy.

In fact, to quote the man himself, Robbins is a "why guy." While most people are just planning what time to pick up kids from soccer or how to get to the next meeting on time, Robbins is asking himself: why? Why do we do/say/think what we do? Why do some people get addicted to substances and others don't? Why do some rape victims spend their lives in therapy while others go on to become happy, healthy wives and moms, and work to change the world around them in the process? Why do two kids from the same home environment end up in such radically different life positions? Why... why do some people become victims while others become heroes?

The persistence of this simple question, combined with his primary life question of "how can I make this better?" has driven Robbins to unlock the keys to inducing massive, instant (and better)... lasting change in the majority of participants in a room of 2,500 people from 55 different countries, some listening via headphones with live translation.

So what happens in this room over the course of 6 days? Well for starters, my estimates put the number of hours spent physically in the seminar at close to 85 hours in those 6 days, and we started at 1:00 p.m. the first day. I should begin by explaining this is an immersion program, in its truest sense. Immersion... if you want to truly understand a new language you have to immerse yourself in it - go live in the country and sink or swim. You have to give yourself no other option but to learn. Learn or starve. Robbins approach is the same - although in the midst of it all, it feels more like my idea of Marine boot camp.

The first few days feel a bit like you are being ripped to shreds, from the inside... and you like it. You realize, through a series of teachings and examples just how detrimental some of your existing set of values and rules may have been on your life. But logically getting it isn't the goal here. You have to feel it. You have to realize and visualize all the areas in your life that your old rules/values/actions have hurt you, hurt others, how they've held you back. If you understand where they came from, that's great, but if you don't, who cares? You don't need to analyze it, only to recognize it and feel the weight of it in your life. You need to feel the weight of how your life will look in 5 or 10 years if you continue with status-quo.

Some of these processes take people very deep emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It's not uncommon for the lights to be low with deep, soft music playing, and Robbins' powerful voice forcing people into the deepest, darkest places in their souls... pushing them through the ugliest, most painful things they've experienced... sobs in stereo as the anguish is brought to the surface and spilling out however it can. You hear people yelling in emotional pain, wailing aloud, and so absorbed in it they aren't even aware of the 2,000+ people around them. But they know, because Robbins has perfected this process, that this very moment is their moment... this is their destiny... their one shot to blow their prior self to bits, and only by doing so, can they re-build the self they were destined to become, the self they were born as, but systematically reprogrammed by any number of things along the way.

At this point, it helps if you really do have some deep-seated issues which have held you back. I found much of the sobbing to be very distracting, but recognized that a lot of people were in the middle of some major life change. I also surprised myself with some realizations along the way - like how many rules I'd created in my life and how they actually worked against me, rather than serving me. It's hard not to learn a lot about yourself in one of Robbins events.

Once you have experienced the visualization of how your life could look if you do not change these things which have held you back all these years, Robbins walks you through a glimpse of the magnificence your life will become through some basic reprogramming. The beauty of it is... it's all in your mind. The ugliness, the brilliance... whatever you see or experience is all your own unique picture. The same exact techniques work for two-thousand and five-hundred different people from fifty-five different countries, at the same time!! Robbins helps you draw on your own subconscious to come up with your own blueprint for your life - sprinkled with lots of subtle nuances nudging you towards becoming a better person - more giving, loving, compassionate.

I've heard people say that Robbins brainwashes his audience. If brainwashing is accurately defined as: any effort aimed at instilling certain attitudes and beliefs in a person - beliefs sometimes unwelcome or in conflict with the person's prior beliefs and knowledge, in order to affect that individual's value system and subsequent thought-patters and behaviors, then I'd say - almost. The new set of attitudes and beliefs are not directly produced by Robbins. He offers a lot of idea generators and guidance for creating healthy alternatives, but the goal is to stimulate each person's mind to generate their own new blueprint.

If 2,250 people walk out of the seminar changed for the better, determined to love more fully, give more freely and live more passionately, then that's the kind of brainwashing society might do well to endorse.

For 12 - 16 hours per day, exhausted but enthusiastic, worn down but full of belief, emotionally spent but ready to be filled anew, people press on - dancing to the frequent music breaks, turning to give a back massage to their neighbor when prompted, hugging well over 100 people each day, high-fives all around, jumping up and down so hard that if you stand still you literally feel the floor shaking beneath you, and all the while Robbins is pouring his all into every minute. He is on stage agonizing with you, but anticipating the other side, dragging the entire audience through hell and back, awaiting the electricity of the final day - transformation day... because he's been doing this for 31 years, and he knows what you will see/feel/experience better than you will even after it has happened.

One thing this seminar does well is that it integrates all the senses. You can cognitively decide to make a change, but if that decision doesn't get absorbed by your nervous system, or your physiology doesn't change to reflect how you would stand/look/behave as part of your new decision, or your spirit does not embrace the decision as being who you now are, then the chances it will stick are slim.

Robbins has refined these processes over the last 3 decades and has a system that works for most people. All five senses get pushed beyond reason, effecting change until your entire being radiates your new life as a result of changes you have made during the week. The approach is to start by identifying where you are today - after all you can't possibly get where you want to go if you don't know where you are now. Even the best of maps couldn't get you to your destination without knowing your exact starting point.

These are the introductory highlights into a week with Tony Robbins. More to come...

Life will pay ANY price you ask of it

2008-12-04T12:13:00.004-05:00

When I was in MBA school a conversation with a professor led to one of the most important realizations of my life. We were talking about goals and I remarked something like: "I have succeeded in achieving every goal I have set for myself so far." Naturally I was feeling quite proud of myself for this fact when he replied: "Then you haven't aimed high enough."

I was stunned silent. It never occurred to me that I'd been selling myself short. I consistently set goals that I knew were achievable and never pushed myself beyond that which I KNEW I could attain. That was one of the moments that changed my life.

In this video Tony Robbins makes the point: life will pay any price you ask of it. What price are you demanding of life? Are you selling yourself short to avoid the possibility of failure or are you busting open the gates of all potential by aiming beyond the known and reaching for levels you have never reached before?

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars." - Les Brown

Becoming Aware of Your Self Talk (Part 2)

2008-11-30T10:27:00.005-05:00

Making Quality Statements

As I began in Part 1, our self-talk has a profound impact on our self-perception, as well as of the world around us. The things we say to and ask ourselves will shape who we become and will either hinder or allow high levels of success. Knowing this, I place a lot of attention on the statements I make to and about myself.

One thing to consider is that our subconscious can not really distinguish a statement made in jest from one spoken in truth. Thus, if you make a mistake and then utter "I'm so stupid" or drop something and announce "I'm so clumsy" your subconscious interprets this as the gospel. And because our minds will go to great lengths not to make liars out of us, we can expect more of the same behavior when we speak such negative things to ourselves.

The exciting thing about this is that by simply flipping such statements from negatives to positives, we can radically change our processing and empower our minds to make us that which we desire to be. This works in all areas of our lives.

Too often I hear people grumble things like "Mary came into the office sick today and now I know I'm going to get it," thereby telling our minds and bodies that sickness is inevitable. Next time you think like that stop yourself before the thought can be had and instead try this: "poor Mary is sick today... thank goodness I take such great care of myself and support a healthy immune system so that I don't have to worry about picking up all the random viruses that people carry around." On a very deep level this will actually send a signal to your immune system to be on alert and get ready to kick some virus butt. Don't believe me? Try it. Oh and for this one it helps a bit if you actually do eat well and take care of yourself.

When my brother and I were in college my mother decided to go back and finish her degree. Because she was always a nervous tester, she decided to employ positive self-talk to get her through. On her way to take an exam she would put on the classical music station and spend the drive repeating variations of the following: "I am an A student. I study hard and during exams I recall quickly and easily the things which I have studied." In spite of managing 3 kids, a full-time job and part-time college course load Mom DID become an A student, and secured her degree right along with us.

CHALLENGE: I challenge you to think of the negative self-statement you make most often (you may not even be aware of it but if you ask your spouse or a close friend I bet they'll tell you what it is ;-), and come up with 3 positive variations of that statement. Get your loved ones to call you out when you make the negative statement and each time you start to do it, grab one of your rehearsed positive variations. With a little effort you will be automatically speaking the positive variants and becoming that which your positive statement speaks of you.

Becoming Aware of Your Self Talk (Part 1)

2008-11-26T15:00:00.003-05:00

Asking Quality Questions

I've long been a fan of self-improvement guru Tony Robbins because his approach not only makes sense, it has worked for me for several years. One of my take-aways from his programs comes up repeatedly when I'm working with a client or just talking to a friend or family member.

How much time do you spend frustrated at your "inability" to change an undesirable behavior or achieve a particular outcome in your own life? Think right now, and get in your mind one thing that you would like to change about yourself or your life and keep it in mind for the rest of this post.

Our minds have a brilliant way of solving our problems *when we give them the opportunity to do so*. What often hinders us is that in trying to solve something we ask ourselves bad questions and our minds in turn, give us bad answers. If you ask yourself why you can not remember where you left your keys... your mind hears "I cannot remember where I left my keys," thereby ensuring you do not (or ensuring copious amounts of frustration before you do). If instead you said "how could I save myself some time and effort and find my keys right away?" Aha, now your mind says... well let's see, we could start by re-tracing our steps when we last came in from the car (and so on).

Consider this one: "why can I never lose weight?" or "why I am so fat?" or any variation of that horrible question. How is your mind to answer that... because you eat too much/don't exercise, etc.? Poor question. Try instead: "how can I lose 10 pounds by the end of the year?" Ah! Now there's a quality question which is far more likely to yield a quality answer.

Now - consider the one thing I asked you to keep in mind earlier. Think about the quiet questions that frame that thing in your mind. Are they enabling your mind to find the answers or are they ensuring you do not come up with a solution? If you're asking negative questions, try to re-frame the wording and tone so that they are capable of producing a quality answer.

And now, practice changing your questions as you notice them. Become more aware throughout the day and focus on asking yourself (and others!) quality questions. It's another that I promise will dramatically improve the quality of your life.

In Part 2 - measuring the quality of our self-statements.

Change Your Thoughts: Change Your Life

2008-11-15T10:44:00.006-05:00

Earlier this week I tweeted about experiencing a personal epiphany. It happened as the result of a practice that my friend Carolyn over at eMotionWorks recommended to me a couple years ago. Each morning (okay, each morning that I think about it - which is more like a morning each week) I get up and, before doing anything (except getting coffee of course), I sit and engage in a practice she calls "scripting."

Essentially it is an exercise in setting my attitude correctly for the day. (From past blog posts you might be able to tell which posts were written on days I did this versus days I didn't.) It's a simple process - I date the page and begin my list of all the things in my life for which I am grateful. Taking time to recognize the blessings in our lives has a profoundly positive impact on our thought processes, and as Wayne Dyer would tell you: change your thoughts, change your life. (See: Change Your Thoughts - Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao)

I then take this one step further. I include in my list the things that I want to happen, which may not have yet come to pass. I write them down, as though they have already happened because, the mind has a brilliant way of figuring out how to get things done, once we give it free reign by believing in its ability to do so.

On this morning I had the rare experience of my hand moving without much thought from me... words were being written and they were definitely appearing out of my subconscious. In the midst of my scribble the very purpose of my life became crystal clear. It was the biggest "aha" moment of my life so far.

I may talk more on this topic in future posts but for now, I just want to shout out my endorsement for this very worthwhile practice. Note: you MUST write it down. Thinking about these things is good, but physically writing them down adds a physical element to the process that is unrivaled by thoughts alone. Try it for two weeks - tell me if it doesn't change your life.

Be happy. Be grateful.

America's Real Epidemic

2008-11-10T21:44:00.004-05:00

Few weeks go by that we are not subject to hear about the latest societal "epidemic" on the nightly news. I believe we have a very serious epidemic in America, but it has nothing to do with health or diet, at least not directly. America is suffering from a severe shortage of personal responsibility. I just finished reading "Man's Search For Meaning," in which Viktor Frankl, a psychologist who survived 4 concentration camps explains our most basic freedom, that of personal choice. I'll let Frankl speak for himself here:

Freedom, however, is not the last word. Freedom is only part of the story and half of the truth. Freedom is but the negative aspect of the whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is responsibleness. In fact, freedom is in danger of degenerating into mere arbitrariness unless it is lived in terms of responsibleness. That is why I recommend that the Statue of Liberty on the East Coast be supplemented by a Statue of Responsibility on the West Coast.

Here is a man who, stripped of every single thing that can be taken away from a person without taking physical life itself, dug deep into his soul to discover that one thing which makes us free, our ability to choose what meaning we assign to everything in our lives. Through a harrowing process that even my imagination cannot bear, Frankl discovers he is, in fact, a free man - freer than the guards in the concentration camps.

In America today, I fear that freedom has degenerated into the arbitrariness Frankl described, a land where people are not held responsible, and need not be with a government who coddles massive corporate greed, thoughtless business blunders and an environment where no one is allowed to feel the repercussions of their decisions and actions.

As we all sit back and hold our hands out to the government, we systematically hand our basic rights back over to them, essentially admitting we are not to be trusted with daily decision making and thereby invite them into our homes and lives to tell us how to live there. If we grew up with parents who were like the United States Government, we'd all still be lying in cribs with soiled diapers.

To be sure, there are a lot of responsible folks like Cory the Well Driller, hardworking, self-made people, who epitomize why we fought so hard for freedom. It's this group of people who don't have time to fight for their rights, because they are busy fighting against the system just to keep the fruits of their labor, simply to hold onto the things they've worked their butts off to attain. These folks are quietly living life, being accountable and watching the things they worked so hard for be handed to those who don't feel like working.

To this group (and to myself) I offer this challenge: start holding others accountable and stop worrying about political correctness. Stop accepting excuses and start demanding more. If someone doesn't want to earn their way, let them live with the results of their laziness. We in this group willingly contribute to actual charitable causes, and ensure that worthy causes remain funded, but that does not include the welfare nation.

And to the irresponsible masses: shirking personal responsibility and expecting someone else to clean up your mess is equivalent to taking the lives of the men who died in the American Revolution yourself. You invalidate all that they fought for, all that they gave up, all that they risked, in your lazy irresponsibility.

We have an epidemic alright, and one for which I'm quite certain we'll never see a magic pill. The historic election we have just witnessed has so many wonderful, positive aspects. I do hope however, that Obama's approach will not further denigrate our freedom and the responsibility that comes with it. It is MY hope that Obama is indeed an agent of change, and in so being demands responsibility and holds individuals and businesses accountable before "spreading wealth around." It is my dream that people start holding themselves and EACH OTHER accountable, demand more and accept fewer excuses.

How Our Tax System Works

2008-10-27T11:53:00.003-04:00

Or... Economics 101

This was sent to me this morning by a colleague. It's an interesting "Joe Six Pack" explanation of the tax system, which even "Joe the Plumber" would understand.

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for drinks and the bill for all ten
comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it
would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.

The ten men drank in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the
arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are
all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your
drinks by $20." Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the
first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free.
But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they
divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted
that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would
each end up being paid to drink his drink. So, the restaurant owner suggested
that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same
amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings) .
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued
to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to
compare their savings.

"I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed
to the tenth man," but he got $10!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the
fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten
times more than I!" "That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should
he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison.
"We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat
down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill,
they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!

And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors,
is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the
most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for
being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they
might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat
friendlier.

David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
Professor of Economics
University of Georgia

AMEX Pitching Dirt in All Directions

2008-10-22T11:25:00.006-04:00

Last night I got an email from American Express telling me my credit limit was cut to $2,300. I've been with them 5+ years and have paid my monthly balance *in full* each month. This year that includes months where $8K - $10K of purchases were made and again, paid in full. The limit they imposed yesterday puts me over the limit for this cycle already.

After some research I found this WSJ article on their new credit policies. Apparently, I've been lumped into a generic category with all others who have Countrywide mortgages and shop at similar places as me (discount stores, I suppose - Wal-Mart, Lowe's, Home Depot?).

I immediately called and canceled the card. There aren't words for that level of bad business and the customer service on the phone was worse. Their new parameters are obviously flawed. You don't get out of your corporate bad decisions by eliminating your long-term good customers. But, that's what they are doing. I don't pay an annual fee and maintain good standing to be treated like a bad customer. I'll be using my Chase Visa full time now. AMEX is obviously digging their own hole deeper.

Skate Where the Puck is Going to Be...

2008-10-17T17:46:00.005-04:00

Yesterday's op-ed article in the New York Times from Warren Buffet provides extraordinarily sound advice in a tumultuous time.

Buffett references the great Wayne Gretzky's sentiment of playing where the puck is going to be, not where it was, in decisions about current financial investments. His very simple rule is: Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful. And most certainly, fear is now widespread, gripping even seasoned investors.

Today people who hold cash equivalents feel comfortable. They shouldn’t. They have opted for a terrible long-term asset, one that pays virtually nothing and is certain to depreciate in value. Indeed, the policies that government will follow in its efforts to alleviate the current crisis will probably prove inflationary and therefore accelerate declines in the real value of cash accounts.

The core concept of this idea in the current financial "crisis" makes me think of the first line of the Rudyard Kipling poem If...

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs ... Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it.

Mitigating Layoff Risk

2008-10-12T11:57:00.004-04:00

Lately I've heard growing talk of company layoffs from friends. An idea struck me the other day as one was telling me that the big "L" word just came down from management. First reaction is always panic, understandably. But what if, rather than sit and wait to react to whatever the news turns out to be, employees became proactive, organized and came up with an alternative plan to layoffs? My first idea is outlined below. It is an insurance of sorts, which is really just a form of risk management. I believe it not only could work, but also makes a lot of sense.

Idea: all employees organize and agree to temporary, across the board salary reductions (if additional perq's or benefits might apply this can be discussed internally). Caveat - every employee must agree, including management. If a team effort is to succeed, all members must play on the team. This immediately reduces the burden on the company bottom line and buys time for 1. the economy to turn around, 2. business to pick back up and/or 3. an alternate solution to be generated.

If you work for an affected company and estimate your risk of layoff to be 30%, then your chance of retaining your current position at your current salary is 70%. Your risk of ending up with no job and no salary/benefits is still 30%. Your risk of increased stress during this time is 100%. If however, everyone agrees to a temporary pay reduction (and it is approved), then every employee has reduced their risk of job loss to zero. Every employee shares some of the cut but enjoys 100% job security in the interim. Stress levels reduce immediately and immensely. Management is relieved of the terrible and most unwanted job of cutting employees but are better able to continue operations without taking a bigger hit to the bottom line.

(Side benefit here is the reduction of burden to society of having to absorb additional unemployment and welfare costs, and helps maintain the local and federal tax base and keeps spending levels at a more steady pace.)

This may be another example of how life works in my Utopian mind, but if you work for a company that is abuzz with layoff talk, wouldn't a proactive approach at least make employees "feel" more empowered and, even if not successful in the long run, doing something always improves outlook. Besides, an even better solution may emerge from the discussion. Getting motivated people together to work for a solution, rather than sit around and complain about the existing scenario is 100% more likely to result in improved morale and a better outcome.

Democracy Held Hostage

2008-10-10T09:59:00.003-04:00

Did you know we have more than 2 candidates for president? Likely not, and with good reason. I heard an interview with Ralph Nader on CSPAN the other day and realized that I forgot what it sounds like to hear a candidate with substance speak.

Describing the nature of the problem with the presidential debate system this very good article says: "At the core of the problem with U.S. presidential debates is that they are run by a private corporation, the Commission on Presidential Debates, founded in 1987 by the Republican and Democratic parties. The CPD took over the debate process from the League of Women Voters. Just once since then has a third-party candidate made it into the debate -- Ross Perot in 1992. After he did well, he was excluded in 1996. The CPD requires contenders to poll at 15 percent before they qualify for any debate."

In the interview I watched, Nader told how Google offered to host a debate to include the Independent candidate... they had it set up for New Orleans and sent invites. McCain accepted, Obama declined. That debate suffered from other problems as well but why, as a democratic nation, do we tolerate tyranny of the majorit y, where neither media nor process is open to more than two candidates? "An essential process of representative democracies are competitive elections, that are fair both substantively and procedurally."

And we have allowed media to kidnap our process. In this article on the Media Reform Conference Dan Rather noted: "Too few voices are dominating, homogenizing and marginalizing the news. We need to demand that the American people get something in exchange for the use of airwaves that belong, after all, to the people.”

At the same conference Bill Moyers stated: “Extremes of wealth and poverty cannot be reconciled with a truly just society. Capitalism breeds great inequality that is destructive, unless tempered by an intuition for equality, which is the heart of democracy. When the state becomes the guardian of power and privilege to the neglect of justice for the people who have neither power nor privilege, you can no longer claim to have a representative government.”

The question shouldn't be "which of those two are you voting for" but rather "why are you tolerating a system that is stripping you of your right to fair process and what can we do to change it?" Stop settling for less and start demanding more from the systems that your dollars support. Stop following the process blindly and start looking at the bigger picture and asking the hard questions. Demand more... our nation deserves it... our nation needs it. We certainly do need change, but I assure you change will NOT come from any candidate put before us by either the democratic or republican parties.

Crisis? What Crisis?

2008-10-06T19:36:00.006-04:00

I've been scratching my head about our "global economic crisis." It's not that I don't believe there is one, or that people aren't completely panicked about it. What strikes me is that if I weren't keeping up with the news I wouldn't know we are in a crisis. Signs in my part of the world are up, even today (I say that with the caveat that I vowed not to look at the 401K again until 2010). My peers and I are not experiencing the pain we keep hearing "main street" talk about on the news.

What I reason is that I (like most of my peers) am a person who acts rationally and behaves in a fiscally responsible manner regardless of the market conditions. I do not suddenly become an irrational and greedy individual when the market is up, and I do not freak out when the market is down. The people who do both of these things are the people who cause the market to swing so far up and down.

People who allow their financial decisions to be guided by emotions when times are good are slave to those emotions when times are bad. People who 1. do not spend more on a home than they can afford 2. do not consume more than their incomes allow and 3. understand that buying consumer goods on credit is unacceptable are far less likely to "experience" a financial crisis in any substantial way. (Unfortunately, it's people like my peers that shoulder the financial burden of bailing out people who are not. But that's another post.)

Live within your means. Don't over-spend, over-extend or make purchase decisions based on what the emotional people around you are doing. Control your emotions, don't let them control you. You'll live comfortably in the upswing, and you'll sleep very soundly in days like these.

Alzheimer's Disease: Early Detection is Key

2008-09-30T10:15:00.002-04:00

Join me in supporting this cause. An estimated 60% of people with Alzheimer's Disease go undiagnosed in a primary care setting. Many of these people are not diagnosed until late stages, when our treatment options are extremely limited. With new preventive measures and advances in treatments, the earlier we diagnose the longer we can maintain a high quality of life for individuals with AD. Vote now!

Dogs lives are too short. Their only fault, really.

2008-09-16T06:00:00.002-04:00

It wasn't my intention to write two dog posts back to back but, it's how the days fall. Two years ago today, I said goodbye to the then love of my life, when she fell victim to stomach cancer. Chloe came home with me when I was 21 and living in Tuscaloosa, AL. She was only 4 weeks old but despite my pleas the owners wouldn't keep her with her mother any longer and were sending the babies to the pound. They lied and told me they were eating soft food on their own. When I put milk in a saucer that night the little thing cried trying to figure out how to suck it up. Off I went to get a bottle.

Thus began my journey with Chloe and formed the beginnings of the bond we shared for 11 awesome years. Chloe was part Black Lab, part Chow and the mix of the two breeds was perfection. She had enough Lab to keep her mellow and enough Chow to keep her tough and protective... and protective she WAS of me. She ignored most people and scared the hell out of the ones that needed scaring. I never made a move that went unnoticed by her.

She was stoic, unshakable and faithful beyond measure. She loved going anywhere and everywhere with me. I took her most places too. We ran, swam, hiked, and kayaked together. She came along and watched me skydive. She vacationed in Key West with me, frequented Pensacola Beach, absorbed the humid heat and hurricanes on the Gulf Coast and the weathered the brutal winters in New England.

Everywhere my crazy 20's took me (and trust me, that was MANY places and a lot of moving), she came along, ready to defend and support. She wouldn't go outside during rain though. Once, during Hurricane Georges (which sat over Mobile Bay for days dumping flooding rains), she refused to go out to relieve herself for more than 24 hours, until the rain subsided.

Chloe had the most knowing eyes. She knew without words, she understood what I meant before I could even think to convey it. In many ways I was less her mom than she was mine. A friend once remarked that when he looked at Chloe he felt like he was looking into the deep, knowing eyes of a human.

My final move to Knoxville was the last Chloe would make with me. Shortly after arriving here she started to get sick, lost weight rapidly and couldn't keep food down. The decline was mercifully quick, but in usual fashion, she held on for me. When it became apparent that her survival was only for me I would no longer allow her to suffer. A kind and compassionate vet came to my home and helped her rest and relieve her pain.

As anyone who knew me in my 20's could attest, Chloe was a permanent fixture for me... always with me, by my side, relaxed, but ready for whatever may come next. When Chloe was 8 I brought Hayley home. Chloe was firm but accepting of the little one, and it is thanks to her that Hayley is so well trained today. Chloe knew she was leaving me in capable "paws" with Hayley. I didn't realize until we lost Chloe that Hayley hadn't even been mine... she was 100% Chloe's.

I was in the first (and most intense) semester of MBA school when I lost Chloe and I'm still not sure how I made it through, though I'm pretty certain it had a lot to do with Hayley. Losing a dog (especially for those of us who do not have human children) is almost unbearable. It's the kind of pain that makes you question why we get dogs in the first place.

Right after the vet told me what a short time Chloe had left I spent days crying and mourning until it dawned on me... Chloe wasn't dead yet. So I decided to make every single day as happy and fun as I could for as long as she was with me. We celebrated all the great years, went to the park for swimming and play time, had all the treats and paw massages possible.

And in that I managed to hold on to the reason we adopt dogs in the first place. We make a deal with them when we bring them home. We are going to outlive them.... they are simply going to die much sooner than us. But in exchange for their short lives, they give more love than we could ask for in one of our lifetimes. It's just more intense for a shorter time. I could not have asked for a better dog than Chloe, and I'm pretty sure I'll never find one. But I will always celebrate the fact that I was fortunate enough to have Chloe and, in spite of my youth and ignorance, I think she was pretty lucky to have me too.

Happy Birthday Hayley Jane...

2008-09-12T08:19:00.004-04:00

Five years ago today Hayley Jane breathed her first breaths, along with all her little siblings. Two weeks later, she and her siblings were given to animal rescue foundation (ARF) and left there. She was dropper and bottle fed until she could eat on her own. Shortly after that, I found her adorable photo on the ARF site and she became my youngest child.

Hayley may not be a human child, but that hasn't made any less real her impact on my life. From the earliest moments she has brought a lightness and humor to my life which it desperately needed at the time, since I was in the process of my "midlife crisis at 30." Right away she found unique ways to make me laugh every_single_day. She is such a little lover... loves everything, everyone, just loves being alive. And it's infectious!

When my first dog Chloe got sick with cancer and died, Hayley became my lifeline, my solace. She and I crawled out of that awful hole of the inevitable depression of losing a best friend together. Our relationship changed, strengthened and she has wisely and bravely stepped into the role of main protector, realizing Chloe left her in charge.

Sometimes I think there's just something special about rescue dogs. Are they somehow more appreciative, more understanding? I always get comments about Hayley... maybe at a rest area when we're traveling, as she and I maneuver the busy parking lots and pet walk - she not on a leash but never straying from my side. Or maybe when she gets all excited about something and a simple word from me will cause her to stop everything and sit very still.

Most often people want to know "what" she is. I did too, and tried to determine for years. Lots of people suggested mixes to include: hound, lab, rottweiler, australian shepherd, etc. I've decided that she's simply an extraordinary dog, one that I am blessed and happy to have as my best friend, every_single_day. I'm now a happy, healthy and vibrant thirty-something and by all accounts, Hayley is one lucky dog. Now, if you'll excuse me, she's doing the "Mom, it's time for us to go for our daily run" dance. Accountability is a wonderful thing.

Happy Birthday Hayley Jane!

What if...

2008-09-02T11:18:00.004-04:00

Presidential elections are an exciting time in our country, this country of free speech and equal rights, when each one of us has a vote that counts exactly the same as every other persons vote. Regardless of age, gender, race, income and a myriad of other factors that differ among us, on election day (provided you go to the polls) your vote counts the same as my vote.

It's also a time of change. Elections are our opportunity as a people to voice our opinion on how our current administration is doing, by either giving them (or their party) continued reign, or by ushering in a new regime. Either way, change is upon us, because elected officials listen very closely during election years and at least make attempts to speak the language of the voters.

There may well be a lot of things wrong with the system and with politics in general, but by and large (provided we exercise our rights), we direct our own future during these crucial times. So it's important to be sure we make informed, intelligent, rational, *non-emotional* decisions during elections. Unfortunately, the trend I notice is that election times bring out the worst in us, incite arguments amongst friends, fights between otherwise clear-headed individuals, and the worst judgment and condemnation by individuals that we will see, before the next election rolls around.

I just want to offer a few of my thoughts on raising our awareness and maintaining the peace and civility that make us human:

Every one of us is doing the best we can with the resources we have. We don't all begin with the same resources and we don't progress through life at the same speed and so understand that, what has shaped your perspective may not have entered another person's awareness yet. Also, your perspective may lack all the evidence as well. None of us have all the same information, so keep an open mind to the possibility that you are not yet informed enough to make a sound decision.
Fundamentally, we all want the same things. I'd wager few of us would deny that we strive for a better world for our children, for safety and harmony in our streets and in our schools, for understanding and acceptance of our own flaws and mistakes, for grace and forgiveness when we mess up, which we all inevitably do. So why are we so quick to judge others? I think it stems from number three.
People often operate, or at least react, from a place of fear. People fear failure, success, being judged, being wrong, scarcity (this permeates many aspects of our lives - we all wish for abundance), uncertainty, etc. If we can "prove that we are right" then we offer ourselves momentary certainty. These things we fear are impossible to eliminate, so, rather than face them and risk encountering them, we try to protect ourselves by flinging accusations and ill will at others, which for a brief moment, helps us feel better about ourselves. This is generally followed by a terrible period of guilt for what we have done or said. We need to find a way to be comfortable in uncertainty.
People respond in kind. If you want to ensure being judged, judge others. If you want to ensure your opinions and thoughts get ridiculed, offer the sentiments up first to someone else. But if you want to be accepted, loved and respected, try taking a deep breath before you respond or react to *anything*. Imagine if someone made a biting remark about a candidate you favor - you took a breath and said "Interesting, I hadn't thought of it that way. Tell me more." Can you see how the rest of the conversation would be markedly different?
The candidates will only give us what we are willing to accept. As long as we perpetuate the mud-slinging on our individual levels, the candidates will continue to do so. What a beautiful thing it would be if we could have an election where every candidate stood on their own platform and "rowed their own boats." Imagine Obama and McCain spending the next 2 months telling us only what they believed in, and outlining their own plans to make this country a better, safer, more healthy place for all citizens. Imagine if we didn't have to spend time discerning the contrast between the negatives, but could focus on the best of what each candidate can offer us.

Yes, perhaps I live in my own Utopian mind, dreaming of and wishing for such a place. But perhaps, if each one of us took a breath and practiced a single extra moment of patience, kindness and understanding each day, we really could transform our country, overcome this negative energy, and slowly drive the restoration of this great nation, just by loving each other.

What if...

The Five Love Languages - a Brief Book Review

2008-08-26T08:57:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate and since it's been listed under my "currently reading" I wanted to provide a quick summary on it.

Conceptually I think the book is very useful for navigating our personal relationships. Chapman draws heavily on the concept of filling your partners "love tank," similar to the Stephen Covey writings on "emotional bank accounts." Obviously to be fulfilled in relationships, we need to ensure we are filling each others emotional love banks, since we cannot run on empty, and if we continue even at half full, we miss out on the full joy that our relationships can offer.

The problem, as Chapman writes, is that we all speak different love languages. In other words, we all experience "love" in different ways. Different things make us feel loved. The book describes five primary languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. You must know which of these is the primary love language of your partner in order to make them feel truly loved. We all tend to give that which we prefer to receive, so if 'physical touch' is your primary love language, you likely provide that most often to your partner. If however, your partners primary love language is 'acts of service' then all your hugs and kisses will only go so far, when what your partner wants may be for you to help with the dishes and the laundry.

Knowing this pattern can help you easily identify your partners primary language... look for one of two things: 1) what do they do most often for you (touch, give gifts, etc.) or 2) what do they most complain about you not doing (you never spend any time with me, etc.). These two questions hold the answer to your partners own primary language.

It should be pretty obvious from a cursory glance which love language is yours (and probably your partners), but for those who need more help, there is a brief quiz in the back of the book to help identify your primary language.

From that standpoint, it's a great read. However, it could have been summarized in a ~6 page paper, as I felt the book was full of unnecessary words. Knowing Chapman was a pastor, I was prepared for the scripture-based approach, but not for the over-use of archaic 1950's-style relationship examples. Almost every couple example he used revolved around a man being upset about his stay-at-home wife not having dinner ready/kids clean/laundry done, etc. when he gets home from his job. Some up-to-date, 21st century examples would have made the book feel far more relatable.

Chapman has about 6 more books revolving around this love language theme and all I can think is, surely they all would have fit nicely into the size of this one book. I did appreciate his chapter on children's love languages and think this a concept many parents today could use... identifying your child's primary love language to ensure they feel loved by you. If more parents took the time to understand this and to fill their children's love tanks consistently, we would likely see fewer guns in schools.

Overall - great concept, definitely worth sharing and discussing in your relationships. Love is a verb... it's not a feeling, but rather something that you do. Knowing is not enough. You must be willing to do the things that make your partner feel loved on a consistent basis. It is, at least, a great discussion starter for you and your partner, and a great step towards enhancing your relationship.

A Day in Chattanooga

2008-08-25T10:13:00.017-04:00

Yesterday Ryan and I went to the aquarium in Chattanooga. What a neat place. In fact, what a neat job Chattanooga has done with their downtown waterfront area. With so many options within walking distance (aquarium, IMAX, art district, biking/walking trail, etc.), we had no trouble filling the entire day and it was gone before we knew it.

We started at the aquarium, walked over to catch Dolphins and Whales in 3D on IMAX, then walked along the waterfront for a couple of miles to the Boathouse Rotisserie and Raw Bar (which has great food and outstanding margaritas on its perfectly appointed deck overlooking the river). After an excellent lunch we walked back to finish our aquarium tour. In case you haven't been, the exhibits take you on a journey from mountain top to sea level, teaching you about all sorts of fish and amphibians that live in the various oceans, deltas, streams and rivers along the way. It also boasts the largest freshwater aquarium in_the_world. I was very surprised to find a butterfly exhibit, which visitors can walk through and some of the butterflies will actually land on your hands and hang out. Very cool.

I'll not waste any more space writing here, and rather show you some of what the aquarium has to offer...

Short Book Review of 'Eat, Pray, Love'

2008-08-19T14:48:00.005-04:00

(Disclaimer: I'm pretty sure reading this won't spoil the ending or even content in the book for you, in case you haven't read it, but it may impact your approach to reading it.)

While on vacation last month I heard an awesome review of the book Eat, Pray, Love, which prompted me to go out and pick up a copy as soon as I got back. I was hooked from the first couple of pages and began to tell other people about it. I found Liz Gilbert's writing style to be laugh-out-loud funny at times, and painfully raw and gut-wrenching at others, but all in a good way. Sometimes I felt like I was there with her.

I really appreciated how she put her emotions out there and sort of raked them over the coals, no matter how personal they were. I'm actually in awe of that, because it's never been something I was comfortable sharing, even with close friends. But obviously we all "feel" and we all can relate to others feelings, whatever they are in any particular moment.

Like Liz, I am very open-minded spiritually (as you might have guessed from my blog subtitle) and love hearing about different perspectives and practices, as long as they are not being forced on me or I don't feel someone is trying to "convert" me. There are many ways for us to express our spirituality and work on "seeing" with our hearts, but it would be tough to maintain any balance in our lives if we spent even one minute criticizing someone else's beliefs or practices.

So I fully embraced her openness to considering and trying out new things and her earnest approach to seeking and building a relationship to her "God" who is in her, who IS her on a fundamental level. The details of her journey, combined with some sound advice from the lay people who also became her friends at the Ashram, made for an excellent story and I took a lot away from it.

It's also great to know, as a friend pointed out, that we can (and should) all make our own similar journeys without leaving our families/jobs/countries and going to live in an Ashram in India. We make the journey for and within ourselves, and have all the resources around us that we need to do so.

All that said, I really could have done without the section on her final stop, Indonesia. From the beginning of that section it felt random and forced, for the sake of the book and completing the assignment, and less for the value it added. That last section felt like it took an otherwise unique, interesting and heartfelt story of a spiritual journey and personal path toward healing, and forced it into a format that would best complete a novel.

Still, it was her journey and her book and I feel happy for having read it. I will still recommend it to friends but with the caveat that the first two sections are the meat of the book and if you run out of time, don't worry about what happens in Indonesia.

Mind over matter

2008-08-14T12:16:00.002-04:00

After a spectacular display of "mind over matter" by Jason Lezak during the men's 4x100 freestyle relay, I was so proud to hear him describe the moment that he simply decided to win it. At the level these guys enter the competition there is really little differentiation in physical fitness levels and ability. Every one of these folks are equally capable of winning, or they wouldn't be there. What separates the winner from the losers is mindset. What do they tell themselves in the moment that it counts?

Jason admitted he initially decided he couldn't catch Alain Bernard, of France. And then something happened - did he suddenly become more conditioned? Did he suddenly become a better trained athlete? Obviously he shifted his mindset and decided not only that he could do it, but that he would. And so he did.

It was one of the most brilliant displays of our ability to control our bodies with our minds, our abilities as people to harness the amazing power of our brains and create our own outcomes. It's an awesome and beautiful lesson of which I hope everyone takes note.

And then... I was so disappointed to hear in a later interview when Lezak stated that he didn't believe he could repeat the performance. What??!! Nothing like sealing your own fate by resigning yourself to failure. Granted, at his level there is no place for the word "failure." The mere fact that he is competing in the Olympics demonstrates success on a level many people never know.

However, there is a very valuable lesson, made evident by the fact that after making such a statement, Lezak went on to tie for bronze in the 100m freestyle, where Bernard took gold. Respectable, but well below his previous performance. Did he suddenly lose his ability? No, he lost his belief.

It's really this simple: If you believe you can do it, you're right. If you believe you cannot do it, you're right. Either way, you're right... your mind works hard not to make a liar out of you and will go to great lengths to make true your statements. Choose them very wisely, and unleash the power you hold within you to achieve more than you ever thought possible. Lezak did it in the moment it counted most. Will you?

Jen's Stimulating Juice

2008-08-12T19:30:00.002-04:00

I just made a new juice recipe discovery this week and feel compelled to share it. Being a relatively new blogger, I need to give a little background first. My current diet has evolved over the last 3 years, through a series of fairly small and simple changes, which en masse, create a pretty radical shift in my daily intake. Three years ago I ate like my idea of the average American: fast food for convenience and processed, packaged foods for the same reason, plus some sweet and salty snack foods just because they were fun.

Today I'm mostly vegan, fresh and raw, which is evident by the fact that I now produce about 1/2 of a small white kitchen trash bag of garbage each week. I do still occasionally eat half a burger, or some turkey or a bowl of ice cream because, well, I am alive and sometimes that's fun, but I find that by maintaining my current diet I just plain feel good.

I grew up blessed with a high metabolism and the slender build of my grandmother, so I never much worried about diet. But rounding the decade into my thirties I started paying more attention to my health, something I realized was far more encompassing than just physique.

My first major change was substituting tofu for chicken/steak, introduced to me by my "hippie" vegetarian friend, who lived with me for a few months after returning from the Peace Corps. I tried it and liked it so it stuck. I developed my "tofu spinach salad" during this time and found that the meal, as I prepare it leaves me feeling sated, and holds me until the next meal. I used to get violent swings in blood sugar where, I'd eat a huge meal and less than an hour later feel like crap again. I began to put together other meals like this, but the tofu spinach salad is my core meal, and it's very hearty.

So over the years lots of other little changes like this have created a much healthier me and I feel great pretty much all the time. I don't get sick anymore and can't remember the last time I went to the doctor. Last year, one such change was the addition of "juicing." I found a free juicer through Craig's List (who doesn't love THAT site) and started experimenting.

I am fortunate to have an awesome farmer's market at the end of my street, a place my dog Hayley and I walk to at least once every couple of days. I love being able to walk down there (with my own bags!) and come home with 3 full grocery bags of fruits and veggies for under $15, like I did yesterday!

But I digress. I approached juicing with the same utility and efficiency I use to approach life in general. I wanted to get the valuable minerals and nutrients from bulky items I wouldn't otherwise have room to eat and/or simply don't like the taste of in whole form. My goal was not to create a great tasting drink, but rather one that I COULD drink without gagging.

Basically, I pull together vegetables that I feel I need and then I add as many fruits as I feel are needed to overcome the taste of the veggies. People often ask me for recipes and I have to say that I approach juicing like I approach meals. If it's something my body needs or can benefit from and I like the taste, then I will put items together and try them. More often than not, this just works out.

It's going on a year of juicing now, and Mom gave me a nice, fancy new juicer for Christmas so I'm getting far better results on the process. Recently, I added beets to the mix for the first time and have since incorporated them. I just think that deep, rich, red color has got to be good for me (I subscribe to the eat by colors ideal).

This next part it getting personal but hey, it really worked and so I have to share it. I ate semi-poorly over the weekend out of town and my body was a little unhappy with me when I juiced yesterday. I made enough to drink this concoction last night and have another round for this morning. This mix proved VERY effective in stimulating the (ahem) bowels (which was an unexpected result), if you know what I mean. Given I've heard the average adult carries around between 5 and 25 pounds of well... you know... in their colons at any given time, movement at any time is a great thing! (I won't comment here on the dietary practices that lead to these high amounts.)

So, here's what I put in it (all amounts are approximate and all foods organic, where possible). I think I shall call this - Jen's Stimulating Juice:

5 stalks celery
2 large beets
1 green bell pepper
3 large carrots
3/4 pineapple
1 navel orange

Drink to your health!

The weekend with the fun (and funny) family

2008-08-12T05:00:00.000-04:00

I decided to go ahead and write the next post before I get in trouble for the Eskimo comments! It's a short one, mostly to highlight the fun (and funny) parts of our weekend trip south. Friday night my niece and nephew (ages 4 and 6) spent the night with us at Mom's and spent Saturday playing in the pool, except for the nephew. Christopher's arm is in a cast and so he just "had to" spend the day playing Lego's Star Wars on the Wii.

That is, except for when we were all gathered around with Mom's Wii Fit and Dance, Dance Revolution. It was my first time with the Wii Fit and I have to say... I LOVED it! I agree with people that say if you have lots of weight to lose, don't count on this to get you there (however, my Mom has lost over 40 pounds in the last few months and would tell you that Weight Watchers will). But for someone like me, already fit and health-conscious I thought it was a great challenge and tool for increasing posture, balance and strength.

My niece, Bethany, is really getting into a fun age, where she's personable, happy and just plain funny. My Dad told us a story from the week before when Bethany was modeling her princess dress and Dad asked if he could wear it. Ever the diplomat, Bethany informed him that "this dress is probably too skinny for you."

During my visit Bethany discovered that her grandmother is my mother. It happened as she and I were walking out of the kitchen and I addressed my mother, using that pronoun. Bethany gasped and squealed in her high-pitched voice: "MIMI IS YOUR MOMMY??!!" I confirmed this new and interesting fact and, after a brief pause she then asked (same high pitched squeal): "WHO'S YOUR DADDY??!!" I almost fell down laughing.

It was a beautiful weekend and we felt very safe in the pool, thanks to Diver, the rescue dog. My folks have a gargantuan Chocolate Lab (about 110 lbs.) who cannot sit still when we are in the pool, for fear something may happen. As I lounged on one of the foam noodles, he couldn't take anymore, dove in, swam out and grabbed the end of it in his mouth and pulled me directly to the stairs (and I suppose to safety in his mind).

We did make it to the theater to see The Dark Knight, at Ryan's behest. I'm simply going to reserve comment here but I will say that Ryan was not disappointed. Sunday morning was a relaxing one, before we loaded up for our return drive to Jackson, to fly the group back to Knoxville. I'm happy to be back in Knoxville, where the weather has radically improved since my departure!

Amish Country Butter and my Eskimo friend....

2008-08-11T11:40:00.012-04:00

As mentioned in my last post Ryan (I've decided to use this novel term to describe him ;-) and I went to Daphne, AL, just outside Mobile, over the weekend. Ryan's from Alaska and so our May visit to Daphne was his first real introduction to the deep south. On that trip we flew into Biloxi/Gulfport, and it was on the return trip to the airport that his real indoctrination took place. Driving in thick traffic west on Hwy 90 through Biloxi, we stopped at a red light and were treated to a bare-fisted, old-school street fight between a couple of carloads of "boys" (I'll freely use the term here now), one of which had been cut off by the other a minute earlier. Ryan sat in shock at this insane spectacle, exacerbated by the fact that one car (well it was one of those small, "low-rider" trucks) was packed with Caucasian boys and the other was a convertible sports car with umm, non-Caucasians. This wasn't going to be good and since we were able to drive around them, we did so quickly.

Welcome to the south Ryan! Next we had to stop to re-fuel the rental car so we pulled into a station and both went inside. I thought nothing of the exchange we witnessed between the two cashiers, a couple of customers and a police officer (who had to come back in three times to get them to turn on his gas pump), until we walked out. Ryan looked at me, dazed, and said... "umm, what language were they speaking??" Immediately the conversation replayed through my head and I imagined it through the ears of an Alaskan and started laughing because I imagine it did sound like a foreign language to him.

So, with that visit comfortably behind us, I felt Ryan was better prepared for flying into Jackson, MS and taking the rural back roads south to Daphne. Maybe he was but, let's just say his "southern exposure" went a little deeper on this trip. Well, for starters, it didn't help that they put us in a black Lincoln Towncar for this drive. (If you want to look sorely out of place driving through Lucedale, MS then this is the car for you).

We mainly drove Hwy's 49 and 98, largely 4-lane, divided highways, which occasionally offer a snapshot of tiny towns which time seems to have forgotten. We didn't stop until we crossed the state line into Alabama (it wasn't intentional, just how it happened). This was at a c-store and farmer's market. The shiny, black towncar drew a lot of interest from the locals, most of whom were in big, old (or "big-ol'" as they say in the south), beat up, gun-rack-wielding trucks. The farmer's market sold, among other things, "Omish" Country Butter. I'm pretty sure they meant Amish, but darned if it doesn't sound the same way with an "O," (unless you say it like Omarosa, the whiny-Donald-Trump-apprentice-wannabe).

Even better, I decided to go inside, until I encountered the sign on the door. The sign began with "NO PETS," which is simple enough, followed by three other "NO"s, which I assume all imply the same thing as the first "NO," that these are not to be brought in. Next were: Shoes, Shirt, Service. Or does that mean without the first three, you won't get the fourth? So I'm standing with my hand on the door, debating if I need to go round up a local street dog so I can go in and be served, or if I need to dis-robe prior to entering, in which case I still can expect no service... I'm so confused. Perhaps I should just forget the fresh tomatoes and see what Mom has turned up when we get there!

Then we walked into the c-store, after noting 'help wanted' sign, for a cashier with 'experience' (I thought that meant experience being a cashier, but after seeing the above sign on the restroom door, I realized the experience they were seeking was that of night club bouncer!). I loved that restroom sign! Wonder what was going on to prompt it...

Then we get further down 98, where it turns into Moffett Road and enters Mobile, AL. The first few "title pawns," "title loans," and "cash 'til paydays" we saw provoked inquiries from Ryan as to what these were. I explained people can sell or loan the title to their vehicles in exchange for cash at an exorbitant rate. Basically it's legal loan sharking, made available to people who cannot or do not manage their money. I forgot how many of these places exist in southern cities, and soon Ryan was counting the 6 or 8 we'd pass on EVERY street corner. Even growing up there, I guess I didn't pay attention to them and when I started noticing, there really are probably a hundred or more in less than a 5 mile stretch.

Wow, this second southern experience isn't yielding a much nicer picture for my Eskimo friend (HEY! I think that's what I'll start calling him... my Eskimo friend! My fellow Damien Rice fans will get the reference). He says he's not really an Eskimo but come on, isn't everyone from Alaska really an Eskimo??

Ah well, next we cross the Mobile Bay and head over to the Eastern Shore, where we'll be spending the weekend with my family, a visit which has the potential to be even more exciting than the trip thus far...

Headed South

2008-08-08T05:00:00.001-04:00

So my... 男朋友 (nan peng you - Mandarin for "boyfriend" since no one has given me a better term yet) Ryan, is a corporate pilot, which means he flies planes for a couple of local business men. The perk of dating such a pilot is that sometimes (SOMETIMES) he goes to fun places and there is extra room for me to tag along. Most times he goes to awful places like Jackson, TN (ranked in the top ten most dangerous cities in the US) or Marlton, NJ (what in God's name is there). Twice in the last few months these trips have included the Bahamas. Today will be the second time in recent months that they include visits near my family, who reside on the Eastern Shore of Mobile, AL, in Daphne.

Luckily so far, on all the cool trips, there's been an extra seat on the plane for me to tag along. This morning is another such occasion. Although not as close as the previous trip to Gulfport, we'll be landing in Jackson, MS and driving down to the Eastern Shore. We'll stay with my folks, who have a wonderful pool in their yard, and visit with family. My nephew, who I helped learn to swim when last in town, has his arm in a cast this time around, unfortunately.

Luckily, Ryan has extra Wii controllers, and he and Christopher, my 6 year old nephew should enjoy Mario Cart Wii greatly (I however, hate it... I actually rammed the wheel into the mirror on the wall behind me and overhead on the couch where I was sitting when last we played... it stresses me out way too much and well, I just had a massage today and don't want to get all worked up).

Also, Ryan is way too freaked out that we are the only two people on the planet who have not yet seen the Dark Knight so I am sure that will factor into the weekend away as well. With that, I'm off to fly the friendly skies. I'm still hoping for some divine inspiration on a new and improved term for the "boyfriend" but so far, my prospects are looking grim. Put your thinking caps on people.

Boyfriend? Is this the best we can do?

2008-08-06T22:07:00.001-04:00

I created my first post on this blog yesterday and I have to say I struggled with how to describe the scenario, which involved my "boyfriend's" dog. I did so because I have a hard time calling him my "boyfriend." Sure, the term boyfriend was cute and appropriate at 15, but let's face it... we aren't marrying at 18 anymore. Now pushing mid-30's can we please come up with a more appropriate term? Must I call the man that I consider to be the most significant "other" in my life right now by a term that includes the word "boy?"

So I tried to think of other terms that could be used like: significant other, partner, lover. But I couldn't think of one that felt more appropriate, which wouldn't also conjure visions of a same sex partner for at least half the population, if I'm describing him when he's not present. Obviously "man-friend" sounds completely ridiculous, and "beau," "squeeze," "special friend" or other more lewd terms are just, well, not appropriate.

In doing a little research for this post I found a USA Today article, written in June on this exact topic, which STILL comes to no conclusion (http://tinyurl.com/6l4ekr). Is it possible that, in a society where 42% of US residents are unmarried (the baby boomers being an increasing number in this statistic) we cannot do any better than "boyfriend" or girlfriend" for the adults we are dating?

I think it's time to create a new term, more suitable for our mature, unmarried population. For such purposes I'd really like to call on Jesse Jackson or George Bush, who are both great at generating their own words, but alas, these fellows are not in my network. So left to my own devices I'm trying to figure out what could we call them...

Of course Ryan (aka: the "boy"friend) had the following suggestions:
Hetero Lifemate (ahh... too creepy)
Better Half (just can't get into this one... for some reason ;-)
Number 1 (ahh... what?)
Baby Daddy (thanks but... we don't have kids)
Most favorite (this one's not my favorite)

So I've been (w)racking my brain (odd side note here - I paused to see if that phrase was spelled with or without a "w" and I can't believe the number of Google returns on this very topic, and I found no conclusion so I wimped out and added the "w," but in parentheses to try to satisfy people on both sides of that debate) and I think the end result of this discussion will have to be a new word creation (again, where are George and Jesse when you need them!).

So I open the floor to your contributions... PLEASE - FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY - help me resolve this issue. Perhaps we could unite to come up with a new, universally accepted term... and the person that posts it here could be crowned the creator for all time... think people, THINK!! And post your unique submissions as comments...

The bad dog and the cell phone

2008-08-06T16:11:00.001-04:00

I finally decided to join the ranks of life bloggers and so I must begin with a (now entertaining) story from the last 24 hours. While replenishing the dog water bowls in the back yard at my boyfriend’s house yesterday I apparently set my cell phone down and left it.

I was in the car later when I noticed it missing, but thought I’d left it at my house. We started calling the phone when we got back home and listened for it in my house, in my car, in the yard… nothing. When he got back home he did the same thing there (which is where we both expected it to be). By then it had quit ringing and was going straight to voice mail (which perplexed us because it had a full charge).

In a flash of clarity I told him to go look on his partially completed deck near the water faucet. He found it outside alright, in pieces with large teeth marks through it, left by “the bad dog,” his Weimaraner. I was very angry, but soon became perplexed. Why did the phone ring for so long and then stop, indicating the phone was fine, until just before he got home.

So I pondered for a bit about how/what happened in the yard with the bad dog and the phone and have created what I consider to be a very plausible scenario, and it goes something like this…

The phone sat out in the hot sun in the yard and went completely unnoticed or at least was completely uninteresting to the bad dog. …Until it started ringing (when we started calling to try to locate it)… it probably rang a time or two and she thought… what the?? So she goes over to check it out and discovers that it isn’t only ringing, it’s also… vibrating. Wow, what a cool, interesting little toy. For the rest, I’ll let the bad dog speak for what I believe are her own thoughts:

Now, dad’s never given me a toy like this but… what else could it be? It rings and buzzes like a toy. I don’t know why it just started doing it all on its own but… I wonder if I can squeeze it like I do my other toys and make it keep ringing and buzzing like that. Hmm… so far this chewing thing isn’t reall…. OH SH**… it’s WORKING!! Hot damn… although it seems like I was squeezing in the same place just then as I was before… why did it work that time? Who cares, this is TOO cool… wait till Hayley (aka: the good dog) sees THIS… she’ll be so jeal… oh crap, it stopped again. Huh… lemme try over he… YEAH!! There it goes AGAIN… AWESOME!! Man, I am loving this thing, although the mechanism to make it play doesn’t seem very consistent. It stopped again and I’m doing the same thing. I wonder what happens if I chew on this pointy thing sticking down here…. huh… noth…. OH YEAH… THERE IT IS!! This is the most fun I’ve had in weeks. Man, I don’t even know where this came from but I hope there are more. Oh no, it stopped again. Maybe if I could get inside… how could I… OH, there goes that piece off the back… hmmm… this shiny thing inside looks like it might have something important to do with the noise… lemme OH OH OH… it’s working again!! Such a strange little toy lemme give this shiny thing here a tight squeeze… yeah, that’s it… oh… what’s that funny smell… it smells like ice cream… I love ice cream… maybe there’s some inside… but wait… why did it stop ringing. Come on and ring again fun little toy!! Oh shoot, I guess it’s broken. Oh well, I hated that stupid toy anyway. I think I’ll just chew on this pointy thing on the end till dad gets home. Maybe he’s bringing me more of these….

People seem shocked now when I tell them I'm actually still using the phone. At the Verizon store the rep offered me a loaner to use until I could decide on an upgrade (this, after telling me my data was gone). I continued to press him on getting my data so he tried putting a new battery and... the phone turned on and the data was all there (I've since discovered the joys of Verizon's virtual data storage as back up)! In the meantime, I told him I'd rather keep my phone, crazy lines through the display and all... so it LIVES... although clearly its days are numbered. Apparently I'm one of those people who develop crazy, inexplicable attachments to their phone. That, or I just love the smell of dog breath. Bad dog breath even.

(For the record, the insides of a Lithium Ion battery smell vaguely of ice cream, something you may notice the next time a dog tooth pierces your cell phone battery and you decide to smell it)